The other night my daughter and I were viewing my wedding album.  In retrospect I enjoyed the pictures, the happy faces, the activities, the effort I had gone to making my wedding personal. After we went through the album I turned to my 18 year old daughter and said – “Too bad the pictures don’t reflect the reality of the day or the marriage.”

Nobody took a picture of the woman that showed up with her husband to the church and claimed that my prospective husband had promised to marry her.  I still have no idea what that was about.  I also didn’t realize at the time that I was marrying an abuser.  Love can be strange, and unpredictable and for some people, an unreliable way to think you know someone.

That was many years ago.  Today people are seeking their matches all across the planet – via online dating.  I have been drawn into this world through my profession.  I have been a private investigator now for twenty years.  My first online dating file was three years ago.  A woman contacted my office and asked me if I could locate the man she was corresponding with. 

He had promised to come visit her in Vancouver, on three separate occasions and of course, each time something pre-empted the visit.  She had his “alleged name and identity” but could not understand his behaviour after he seemed like a perfect match.  I found him in New York, and of course he had a different name and identity.  One of the nastiest parts of the investigation was finding out that “the baby” he had introduced to my client in pictures was not his but was in fact a picture that was cut and pasted from Flickr.  The rest of his family pictures he sent her were also handpicked from Flickr as well.  He was not a top criminal lawyer as he claimed but was in fact a corporate paper-pusher.  By now you are probably wondering if he was married ? Of course he was!  This long distance relationship had gone on for almost a year. 

There was another case where a male nurse pretended to be a doctor and cut and paste his fake name into articles about successful doctors that he emailed to another client of mine he was having an online romance with.

Still another client contacted me after she found out her husband of 15 years was spending his evenings looking on Ashley Madison (the "marrieds only" dating site.) We were able to introduce a prospect to him that he communicated with for over a month complaining about his marriage and offering our “false” person wonderful travelling opportunities to meet with him!

Recently, a close friend just found out that the man she met through online dating and thought she was happily married to had been cheating on her for the past four years – you guessed it – through online dating.  And did you hear about the man that played “Dexter” in Edmonton and cut up a person he had enticed on Craigslist? Its much better to protect yourself and be safe.

I think by now you are forming an impression of what I think about online dating.  The truth is –  I too, am a single woman and find the dating world complicated, exhausting and at times,overwhelming.  There is no question that most of us are happier when in love, we have a glow about us, and generally feel more optimistic about life.  But here is the biggest issue when meeting someone online – I question what drives people to accept the nonsense they are being told? 

Dating online is no different than dating in person – desperation to have a partner is not a healthy motivator.  In the over 30 cases I have worked on, I have dealt with intelligent, motivated, successful women who for some strange reason suspend all their life skills and blindly accept what is being told to them by the person on the other end. 

Remember my wedding album?  Pictures do not reflect everything that is real.  My motto is “If it sounds or looks too good to be true then it is.”

Here are some tips for online dating:

1.       Ensure your privacy is protected.  Never give out your personal information such as address, information about your other family members, or your home telephone number.

2.       Look at the picture – is it current or does it look old. Does it look like a real photo or could it be a model?

3.       If meeting in person arrive early in a public place, park at a distance from the location, leave last, and monitor his exit.

4.       Don’t believe everything you are told – listen carefully and look for contradictions.

Look for new relationships in a healthy way.  Next time I will provide you with more tips to maintain your safety and why you should consider hiring an investigator to check the facts before you become a victim.

Have a Safe and Happy Valentines Day!

Kathy Matak has been a private investigator for over 20 years.  She is the president of Baker Street Agency, PI Academy and K. Matak and Associates.  Visit Baker Street at http://www.bakerstreetagency.com