In those two years, I have become close with her husband. Recently, he told me he loves me, and I feel the same — for the first time in my life. I am single, and we are middle-aged people who have both been alone for many years. I don't think he would ever divorce her, and I don't want him to. Neither of us wants to hurt her. Are we wrong to have these feelings and to act on them, especially since I was his wife's nurse? — RN in Love

Dear R: I do not think the way you met your love colors the situation ... and, in fact, the way you met is not all that uncommon. I do not regard your relationship as an affair, in the accepted sense, but rather, a love affair. This man's wife is sick enough to require institutional care and can in no way be a wife. There are some spouses, granted, who could not entertain the idea of a romance while a legal spouse was still alive, but I know of many more people who have done it your way. And I see nothing wrong with it. Happiness is hard enough to find. I suggest you accept yours with an open heart. — Margo, guiltlessly

Collateral Damage

Dear Margo: I moved from my parents' house to my grandma's due to my parents going through foreclosure. Before I moved, I entered into a verbal agreement regarding the majority of my stuff (bedroom furniture, papers, jewelry, etc.), in which I'd pay a set amount of money to help cover the storage fees and the care of my cat until I could bring my cat and my things to my grandma's place.

Everything seemed fine until my parents separated and began divorce proceedings less than a week after I moved out. Things got hostile between the two, and in one of their battles, my mother ordered my father to move his stuff into storage. Then I received a panicky e-mail from my father letting me know that my stuff had vanished from the storage unit. I naturally jumped to the conclusion that my things were stolen.

After sending terrified texts to my mother asking where my things were, I finally got a reply from Mom stating only, "It's safe." She refused to elaborate. I went ballistic. I called her and demanded to know where my things were, only to have her tell me, "I can't trust you. You'll blab the location to your father, and I don't trust him." I told her I wanted an apology; she refused. We hung up, and I cried for hours, something completely out of character for me. I have not spoken to her since. Am I right for cutting off contact with her? — Yearning for Contact

Dear Yearn: Get back in touch. You clearly felt both loss and exclusion. I would try to convince her that she can, indeed, trust you — and also, you will need access to your things. Treat this episode as a blip on the radar, and re-establish the former connection with your mother. Chalk it up to the stress of her divorce. She is most likely calmer now. — Margo, restoratively

Three of Wands

Dear Margo: I have an odd question. I am self-trained to read tarot cards. I believe they have helped me become more intuitive, but mostly I find that the symbols help me think through problems logically and present possible solutions. Those beliefs aside, I've started to offer my readings as a business, and I always make sure my clients know I'm offering them as "entertainment only," even if I personally strive to also provide helpful, practical and friendly advice — kind of like someone we both know.

Well, ever since I started offering readings to the public as a business, I've turned down several opportunities from people who seemed to be — I don't know how else to put it — "disturbed." One individual claimed to be hearing the voice of Satan, and another was telling me how much he wanted to die because his girlfriend left him. I was alarmed by these contacts and felt helpless, knowing that neither I nor my cards could address their underlying difficulties.

Is there any free or inexpensive training program I could take to help redirect them? Something like the kind of training people who volunteer to work for crisis hotlines might receive? — Entertainer, not Psychiatrist

Dear Ent: I suppose I will hear from all the tarot card readers, but I agree that what you do is entertainment. Your concern for disturbed people is admirable. You have one of two choices, as I see it. You can save your readings for parties and actually train to become one of the many types of counselors, or when you get a client who seems genuinely troubled, you might say, "I am not equipped, through my cards, to deal with your problem, and I suggest you seek a mental health professional." This advice may be defensively received, but that is not your problem. — Margo, beneficially

Having a Family Should Not Be a Taboo Subject When Dating

Dear Margo: I've been dating a wonderful man for nine months. We enjoy a variety of activities and generally have a lot of fun together. However, as I approach my 31st birthday, I find myself thinking in terms of the big picture. I've always thought I would like to have children, but I would prefer not to have them close to my 40s. Although my boyfriend has never specifically stated that he does or does not want children, we have some differences — approaches to managing money, for one, and I like to travel, while he does not.

I have been in a few serious relationships in the past, but he has only had one previous partner, and from what little bits he has told me, it ended very badly. To date, he has not been able to say the "L" word, and from what I understand, this may be a lingering effect of his past relationship. I'm not sure what to do. I feel ready to start thinking about settling down and having children in the near future, but I have no idea whether my boyfriend will be at that point anytime soon. Should I "go with the flow" for now and enjoy what we have, or discuss my thoughts? Maybe he'll never get to the same page. — Stuck

Dear Stuck: I have a hunch your fella is suffering from the burns of his previous (and only) love affair. I also think the absence of discussion about children is odd. Why don't you ask him what his thoughts are? As for your differences (i.e., money and travel), those are pretty major items when considering making a life together — presuming you are not the only one doing the considering. My instinct tells me this man would be a reclamation project, but the only way to find out is to TALK. — Margo, investigatively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2011 MARGO HOWARD