My question is this: In the previous city in which I lived, my two closest friends knew the details of my life and truly were lifesavers. I am now in a new city and do not know anyone my age to associate with. I am working on ideas (in therapy) about how to meet new people. When I do meet someone new, the first questions are: Where do you live, and what do you do? How do I go about talking with someone about my life without exposing my condition? Please help me to let someone begin to know me without feeling they are simply seeing an out-of-work 40-year-old living with his parents. — Answer Challenged.

Dear Ans: In your situation, I would advocate for a minimalist approach. To the question "Where do you live?" I would simply say, "1114 Beachwood Avenue." As to what you do, I think "a research project" would work nicely. If pushed, the subject of your research could be mental health, particularly bipolarity. Should one of the new acquaintances become a friend, then you can reveal more, without your difficulties being the first things they know about you. Do remember that these days your conditions are 1,000 times more common than they used to be and are therefore more familiar. For educated people, I don't think there's a stigma at all. — Margo, confidently

Last Words, Last Wishes

Dear Margo: My mother is 92 with developing dementia, and she's in a nursing care "memory" ward being well taken care of. However, she is no doubt in the process of dying. She comes from a large family (12 siblings, three now deceased). They're Greek and can be very stubborn — loving, but they have their opinions and you'd best listen to them. Mom wants to be cremated, and in fact, she prepaid years ago. And she doesn't want a funeral.

I suspect the family will put up a fight. I will probably give in and have a memorial for her. Even though she really didn't even want that, I can understand the family's side. I don't have the problem yet, but I want to be prepared. — K.K.

Dear K.: My mother had the same wishes as your mother, and people were mad at me for there being no funeral! I feel strongly that any person should have the last word about his or her last rites. And that is your response to people who argue with you: "Those were my mother's wishes." The little memorial service you have in mind sounds just right — because that will be for you and the family, without abrogating her wishes. I also think you are wise to make decisions about this issue now. — Margo, loyally

High-School Confessions

Dear Margo: I am 17 and a senior in high school. My wonderful boyfriend, "John," recently came out to me as bisexual. He has made it very clear that he wants to stay with me and is not interested in acting on his attraction to males. He also defines his bisexuality as being attracted to personalities, regardless of gender. The problem is that through a slip of the tongue, my father found out that John is bisexual. He's an open-minded person, but he told me our relationship would not last because "people are attracted to what they're attracted to."

To me, it doesn't seem any different than a straight guy cheating on his girlfriend with another girl. My mother is less open-minded than my dad, and I feel sure he will tell her. We both are headed to college next year, so that opens up a whole new population for both of us. What will happen then will happen, but for now we want to be together. How can I convey that to my mom while calming her down about John's bisexuality? It's a mess, I know. — Samantha

Dear Sam: You and your boyfriend are still in your teens, which is traditionally a time of high hormonal and sexual activity. Assuming you are sexually active, I suspect your father's concern is — and your mother's will be — that the possibility of STDs increases when a young romantic partner is active with both sexes.

For reasons I don't entirely understand, bisexuality is disturbing to some people ... often because they feel the self-declared bisexuals are actually gay but don't wish to say so. (This is not my view.) I don't know the level of openness you have with your parents, but I would tell them that you practice safe sex — which I sincerely hope is the case. In addition, tell your mother that you and John have agreed to date others when you both go to school, which is not all that far off. — Margo, individually

When a "Friend" Behaves Childishly

Dear Margo: Two years ago I belonged to a quilting group. We laughed and had fun while we worked. The group leader often invited my husband and me to dinner and cards with she and her husband. She said she 'loved' us and enjoyed having us as friends. Then one week after being invited to her home, she invited me out for coffee. Once there, she very loudly announced that I was "kicked out of the club." She refused to tell me why, saying, "We're not going to discuss it." I said that if she were my friend, as she said she was, she would at least tell me why. She repeated that we would not be discussing it. This was devastating to say the least.

Now I find that this is affecting my ability to make friends or be friends with others. Even my relationship with my husband has changed. I honestly do not know of anything I did that would have caused this action on her part. Recently, I was at a gathering with this woman. She extended her hand and said she wanted to be friends. I said sure, if she'd at least tell me what had happened between us. She refused, saying, "I'm not prepared to do that." How can I move on? Others in the quilting group want me to join various other things of which this woman is a part. I find I want to be nowhere near her, but doing that would isolate me from other people with my same interests. What to do? — Ambivalent

Dear Amb: This sounds like high school. I wouldn't let this woman, who is behaving like a sorority president, set the parameters of your life, let alone affect your other relationships. I would rejoin the group that you enjoy, be cool but cordial to this particular woman and try to put out of your mind your supposed transgression followed by your reinstatement. There's a chance one of the other women might tell you what went on, but I would rise above it, knowing that it really doesn't matter. — Margo, maturely

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2011 MARGO HOWARD