My brother has and has always had a bad temper. Although he's never physically harmed me or any family member, he has punched walls, and he got into a few fights in college. I feel that working with children or teenagers might not be the best thing for him. I worry that one of his students will enrage him and he will snap. My brother has been through so much, and all I want to do is support him, but I also feel inclined to speak my opinion. I am confused as to whether I should express my thoughts or keep them to myself. — L.C.

Dear L.: I think it would be supportive to tell your brother you are proud of him, that his choice to be a teacher is noble, and that you want him to succeed.

Then I would tell him he has accomplished so much that you want to put a question to him: Does he feel his temper is enough under control to deal with possibly unruly young people? I don't think, between a brother and sister, you have to pussyfoot around the fact that he has been known to put his fist through a wall. Suggest to him that if he thinks there is even a slight possibility of snapping, he might consider taking an anger management class. I think this approach qualifies as a win-win situation. — Margo, neutrally

Manning Up About the Neighbor's Dog

Dear Margo: I am a huge animal lover. I have volunteered for nonprofit animal groups and joined in protesting with animal rights activists against the mistreatment of animals. I have two dogs that are my babies. I live in a townhouse that is connected to a neighbor. She has no one on the other side of her.

This woman has a dog she leaves outside in the yard 24/7, and her yard is filthy — excrement everywhere. This poor dog is living in squalor and being neglected. She is a single mom with five kids. I could ask our homeowners association to look into this issue, but if I do, I fear she will know it was I who complained, since I am her only neighbor. — Friend of Dogs

Dear Friend: Oh, my, if ever anyone was in need of a pooper-scooper. To moot your concern about your neighbor figuring out you were the complainant, I would approach her first, telling her it is her business how she deals (or doesn't deal) with her dog, but the dog toilet that is her yard is a public health issue. That way, you give her a chance to do the right thing.

If she does not, then I would call the city authority to whom one makes these complaints. Your position is 100 percent correct, so there is no problem with her knowing it was you who decided her neglectful treatment of her dog has to be remedied. And I must say, I am surprised that with five kids, no one is paying attention to the dog. — Margo, definitely

The Importance of Saying "No" and Meaning It

Dear Margo: My husband's father, "Howard," made it clear the instant his wife became pregnant that he did not want to be a father, and he left her soon after. She remarried a wonderful man who raised my husband as his own. Howard remarried and divorced several times, always ending each marriage with adultery. My husband had minimal contact with him while growing up. When he did, he would be foisted off on his grandparents or whatever stepmother he had at the time. Once my husband got older, he gave up even trying to have a relationship with the man.

Ten or so years ago, Howard took up with another woman, "Cathy," but decided against marriage. During their years together, he spent every cent left to him by my husband's grandfather (his father) on jewelry for Cathy and trips all over the world. He even sold his father's house and used the money to buy a house for that woman. He spoke openly about making sure my husband would never get a thing.

Well, two years ago, Howard was diagnosed with early onset dementia and went downhill fast. We only found out about it when his shack-up buddy called and berated my husband for being such a bad son and "such a disappointment." Now she is harassing us, making veiled threats about keeping all the family heirlooms, claiming her finances are stretched thin, hinting that now that it's no longer fun and games, she wants out and expects us to take over the care of that man.

My husband simply wants her to leave us alone, but she won't. I have no idea what to do about this. — Just Want to be Left Alone

Dear Just: I do. Tell this woman no dice, and to have a nice time with the heirlooms. Whether or not your husband chooses to lay it out for her, he is morally in the clear, and there is no legal obligation. The disdain he has been showered with for decades and the absence of a relationship absolve him of any responsibility. And to make your life simpler, perhaps change your phone number. — Margo, definitively

When a "Problem" Is Not a Problem

Dear Margo: I have a question that I've not seen asked before. My son is marrying soon. The wonderful woman he is marrying has no grandparents (all deceased). My son has two grandmothers; one is in the latter stages of Alzheimer's (my mom) and may be too far gone to even attend. The other grandmother is a narcissistic shrew who would love to be the only grandmother walking down the aisle.

I want to suggest we not have Mrs. Shrew come down the center aisle at all, and just seat her with other honored family members. I know this sounds nitpicky, but to me it isn't. The wedding will take place in a hotel rather than a church, so I'm thinking that's my out. Church rules don't apply. My son and his bride-to-be don't care one way or the other. They get it. Your thoughts? — I Hate Alzheimer's

Dear I: While I understand your sadness that your own mother is in terrible shape, and also your dislike of your m-i-l, Mrs. Shrew, I remind you that weddings are never about the grandmother — unless she is the one being married. My thoughts are that spending another minute on this is petty, and by all means have the other grandmother walk down the center aisle. It will no doubt make her happy, and you will avoid an inter-family fracas. To make an issue over who walks where would be acting out. Do the generous thing, if only as an example to your kids. — Margo, maturely

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.