Dear Margo: I think the word "judgmental" is one that is often thrown around and misused. Many people see me as an opinionated and honest person. When someone asks my opinion, I give it to them. My problem is, I've lost a lot of friendships because I am accused of being judgmental.

I don't treat my friends differently if they make a mistake or choose to do something that I wouldn't do. When a friend approaches me with an "issue," I give my honest opinion, and I don't just say what I think the person wants to hear. That's not always easy for people.

Dear Not: I, too, think the word "judgmental" gets a bad rap — probably because I am considered judgmental, like you. My feeling is that everybody makes judgments — all the time and about everything. They just keep them to themselves. The only times I have been told I was judgmental, however, were when I volunteered my "judgment," or as I prefer to call it, "narrating." When asked, however, I can't see how, short of insulting someone, you are losing friends by offering your view.

Perhaps gentle down your opinions when giving them, so the questioner doesn't feel he or she needs to defensively tell you that you are being judgmental. And you might consider saying, the next time you hear how judgmental you are from someone who asked what you thought, "Didn't you just ask for my opinion?" — Margo, logically

When Your Mind Is a Messy Desk

Dear Margo: I am a 20-something full-time student, part-time employee and full-time single mother. The past few years have been quite difficult: a nasty divorce, a custody battle and being diagnosed with cancer. I try to lead a normal life and provide what I can for my child. My goal is to finish college and get a degree to achieve a good career and lifestyle for my son and myself. My issue is that I have no motivation.

By the time I'm done with school, work and playing with my son, I have no energy for anything else. My house is in constant disarray — clean clothes stay piled on a chair for weeks, papers get thrown on the kitchen table, dishes sit in the sink, and sometimes there is unfinished homework. Living in this chaos irks me to say the least, but it takes all of my will power to get up and do the dishes. I feel horrible because I worry about the effect my messy lifestyle might have on my son. I need some help but don't know where to turn. Suggestions? — Organizationally Challenged

Dear Org: I would not say you lack motivation. I would say, rather, you are on overload, stretched thin and dog-tired. You really are doing the work of three people, what with school, work and mothering. And you are doing it alone. I agree that organization would lighten your load — in that you wouldn't feel bad about the way you're doing things, and daily life would go more smoothly.

Many of my readers swear by the site www.flylady.net. And I, like you, finding myself among the overwhelmed and the busy, have recently tried something I find effective. Set a timer for 25 minutes. (I would've thought 30 minutes or an hour, but this approach specifies 25 minutes.) This allows you to make progress in chunks. When the timer goes off, even if you need to return to what you're doing, walk around or dig into another chore. You may not be able to get everything working like a Swiss watch, but I feel certain you will feel better with a more structured framework. Good luck. — Margo, efficiently

There Is Such a Thing as Standards

Dear Margo: I have a friend I'll call Betsy. She was married to Bill for 18 years. Bill left her for another woman. Fast-forward five years. Betsy works her butt off (literally), loses weight and is back in the dating game. She meets Dan, a married man, and has an affair with him. Dan eventually feels like the creep he is and confesses everything to his wife. She forgives him, and they try to move on with their lives. Betsy is furious and tries to do everything in her power to get Dan back, but he wants nothing to do with her.

Here is my dilemma: When Bill cheated on Betsy and left her for another woman, that woman was a hussy — and a few other things that are not printable. But Betsy feels she has done nothing wrong. I think Betsy is as bad as the woman Bill left her for, and I told her as much. I can no longer stand the sight of her. She knows what it's like to have your husband cheat on you, but she doesn't care. Betsy thinks that if I were a real friend, I would take her side. But I have morals, and she's known for a long time what I think of cheaters. How do I break away from her? — Cindy in Boston

Dear Cin: You say, "Betsy, dear, au revoir." Life is choices, and because you no longer have a high opinion of this woman, the friendship is no longer viable. For whatever reason, she did not translate the pain inflicted on her to her own actions as "the other woman." She also evidently misconstrued the Biblical admonition, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," and decided it meant: "Do unto others what was done to you." — Margo, proactively

Me, Me, Me and I

Dear Margo: I'm a 30-something manager with a much older woman working under me. We get along OK, though our communication styles are quite different. We communicate by e-mail, as well as face-to-face conversations. Whenever we do communicate in person, she never asks about me. I'll ask how her weekend was, how is the family, but she never reciprocates. She will simply go on and on, giving too many details in answer to a basic question.

Anyway, I'd like to know how to tell her I find it rude that she never asks about me. It's not so much that I like to talk about myself; I just find the conversation one-sided. Something I learned in college is that people love to talk about themselves, so I'm always asking how someone is, and I follow up on previous conversations. Is it too much to expect the same from someone who is beyond me in years? I'm also asking for management reasons. If she can't ask me how I am, how can I expect her to have a two-way conversation with a customer? — Young'un in Texas

Dear Young: I have a mechanistic suggestion for you: Stop asking her anything, thereby cutting off that avenue. Unfortunately, there are people who come up short in the politesse department; happy to tell you everything about themselves, but never asking about you. And the reason is obvious: They have no real interest. Because you are her superior, however, if you have reason for concern that she has no give-and-take with the customers, by all means inform her that the one-way approach is not good for business. Use your own interactions with her as an example should she not seem to know what you are talking about. Don't be intimidated by her age. — Margo, bravely

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.