I cannot get the notion out of his head that my fears of marriage do not mean I am equating him with past abusive men. Before he brought all this up, I slowly began changing my mind about marriage because I could see how good things were with him. But it was a slow and private process, and all the fights about marriage are making me less inclined to discuss it — or consider it. I would like to go to couples counseling, but his job recently cut his insurance and neither of us can afford to pay out of pocket. — Feel Like the Guy

Dear Feel: You are in somewhat of a role reversal, although people don't usually fight about getting married — or whether or not even to discuss it. This man clearly thinks you are "the one," and I understand his wanting to at least talk about it. Although it's usually men who have commitment issues, I hope you can overcome the fears instilled by the unfortunate men in your life. I am further sympathetic to his feeling of wanting to move on if you're a no-go. Let me be the couples counselor: I suggest you start talking with this man you describe as "a wonderful, caring boyfriend." — Margo, enthusiastically (ahem)

Welcome to the Good Schnook Club!

Dear Margo: I live overseas in a lovely place. The plane ticket to get here is pricey, but things are fairly cheap once you arrive. My husband and I have issued standing invitations to family members and longtime friends. On happy occasions, someone takes us up on the offer. Recently, though, I have ended up with a long-term guest who feels that my request for the equivalent of less than $5 a day to help with food is not doable. In the past, our overseas guests have always been happy to chip in, and therefore we are taken aback at this refusal. Then again, I wonder if maybe this behavior is normal and my expectations are off — since you recently answered another letter saying, "Are you a hostess or an innkeeper, and are your friends guests or paying customers?" — Hostess'ed Out

Dear Host: The letter you refer to had to do with weekend company. And guess what? It's your house. Anyone who rolls in for more than a week (and this sounds like a lot more than a week) and is asked — and refuses — a modest request is a moocher. I suggest, if you're a wuss, that you say the next arrivals are due very soon, ergo the holiday must end. If you wish to be direct, just say you can no longer afford their guest status. For you to offer the equivalent of a free hotel and feel pinched makes no sense.

It may blow the friendship, but I'm guessing you're not feeling very friendly to this person right now anyway. — Margo, correctly

Hostesses Should Invite, Not Pressure Guests

Dear Margo: My dear friend invited my husband and me to a party at her home with all older adults (no children, as she and her relatives have no kids or grandkids). I told her my husband and I would not be able to attend (1-6 p.m.) because we would be babysitting our 4-year-old grandson. She was put out and not happy with our reason. But my husband and I knew it would not be fun for him (or for us), as he would have no one to play with. She tried to put pressure on me by saying they would all play with him, etc., but we knew this wouldn't work and that he would have much more fun with us at home with the toys and food he loves.

What would've been a good way to handle this situation? It is really bothering me that she was not sympathetic. — Grandmother from Walpole, Maine

Dear Grand: I think you did it just right. The little boy did not belong there, and my own feeling is that the hostess was nuts to encourage you to bring him. (I can think of few things that would put a damper on a party like a 4-year-old among people with no children or grands!) She must really love having you as guests, or she wanted to show off her newly painted living room (or something like that). Give her a call and say you'd love to be included at her next do, and ask her to give you sufficient notice so that you will not be babysitting. — Margo, rationally

Making Oneself Heard

Dear Margo: I'm 28 years old, and I've always been a creative person. I loved to write and draw and paint. I'm not claiming to be the next Stephen King or Salvador Dali, but it satisfied my sense of creativity and got me through tough times. I not only had a stillbirth in 2005, when I was 22, but I then met the man I thought I would spend my life with. Long story short, the night before I was to go wedding dress shopping, he called to tell me he'd slept with another woman and realized he didn't want to be married. I tried to write and draw but just couldn't.

I am currently impotent (and that's the best way I can describe it) when it comes to being creative. I feel the urge to write/draw, but I am blocked. I realize depression weighs into this, but at the same time, I'm not moping around and have had a wonderful support network that helped me work through a lot of my emotions.

Now, the reason I'm writing you: My little brother also inherited the creative gene, and I admit he is quite talented. He is also my best friend. However ... whenever he writes anything or paints a new picture, he insists on showing it to me and needs to hear how wonderful it is. This only serves to underscore my own impotency and create a sense of jealousy that I can't explain and dislike. If I don't fawn all over whatever he's just done, he accuses me of being "pissy" and "jealous." I can't help how this makes me feel. Is there a way of letting him know that his creativity is wonderful, but it does me no good to have it waved in my face at every turn? — Blocked and Blue

Dear Block: There is a way: straightforwardly. Try to explain and make him understand that his productivity only serves to underscore your own block, and it would be better for your mental health if he didn't put you in the position of having to see his output and feel obliged to ooh and ah. Tell him that surely there are others who would be genuinely enthusiastic. I also think your artistic self will return. — Margo, straightforwardly

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.