Dear Margo: Eleven years ago, I divorced my son's father. Since then, everything in my life has gone right. I met a great guy and remarried, my new husband adopted my son, we bought a house in the country, and I have the job of my dreams. All has been wonderful.

At the end of my marriage to "Ray," I knew he was cheating on me: He didn't come home at night, stayed away much of the time and would pick fights for nothing, but the kicker was that one night I found them sitting in her car in our driveway at 3 a.m. I directly asked him, and he would always deny it. "She's just a friend," or "I needed a ride home from bowling." I never dwelled on it and moved past it a long time ago. Or so I thought.

This past weekend, something was brought to my attention. My ex's girlfriend (yes, the one from my driveway) had an interesting "Anniversary Date" listed on her Facebook profile. Her profile says that she's "In a relationship with Ray," and their anniversary date is almost 10 months before I left him and a full 6 months before I told him I wanted a divorce. Why would she publicize the fact that she was dating a married man? Why is this bothering me? — Edna

Dear Ed: To your first question, women who date married men and then "get them" think they have won. They do not look too closely at what they have won, but that's the way they feel. Her Facebook flaunting is her idea of victory. As to why you care, the answer is that you are assigning your values to someone who clearly doesn't share them. A small element of your looking backward may be residual embarrassment and anger that you got played. But look at your life now, give thanks, and give up checking her Facebook page. — Margo, conclusively

Grandparents Aren't Indentured Servants

Dear Margo: My son married an older woman, and we accepted her as part of our family. She has older children whom we also accept and enjoy. Now we have a new grandson. My son lives 50 miles from our house. They would like me to baby-sit for them, but they refuse to bring the baby to my home (even though my son works 10 miles from my house). I offered to pick up the baby from his workplace, but they do not want him here. Their plan is to have me drive out there and spend the day at their house.

I have a comfortable home and enjoy my house. Going to their house with their dogs, etc., isn't as easy. I want to see the baby weekly, but I do not want to drive 100 miles daily. Besides, I am the person giving my time and effort (for free), and they don't want to meet me halfway. As it is now, we always have to bend to do everything they want for holidays, etc. We gave our son everything — paid for college, bought him cars, let him be his own person. We never dictated to him. We accepted his marriage. — Just Want Things To Work

Dear Just: There is no give here, and I suspect you may not see your grandson as often as you would like. I think being asked to drive 100 miles a day when there is a more equitable solution possible displays a passive-aggressive, if not hostile, attitude on the part of your d-i-l. (And shame on your son for letting her name the terms.) Perhaps when they hear a no-can-do from you, they may reconsider their demands — to which I hope you will not bow. — Margo, assertively

Hostesses Should Invite, Not Pressure Guests

Dear Margo: My dear friend invited my husband and me to a party at her home with all older adults (no children, as she and her relatives have no kids or grandkids). I told her my husband and I would not be able to attend (1-6 p.m.) because we would be babysitting our 4-year-old grandson. She was put out and not happy with our reason. But my husband and I knew it would not be fun for him (or for us), as he would have no one to play with. She tried to put pressure on me by saying they would all play with him, etc., but we knew this wouldn't work and that he would have much more fun with us at home with the toys and food he loves.

What would've been a good way to handle this situation? It is really bothering me that she was not sympathetic. — Grandmother from Walpole, Maine

Dear Grand: I think you did it just right. The little boy did not belong there, and my own feeling is that the hostess was nuts to encourage you to bring him. (I can think of few things that would put a damper on a party like a 4-year-old among people with no children or grands!) She must really love having you as guests, or she wanted to show off her newly painted living room (or something like that). Give her a call and say you'd love to be included at her next do, and ask her to give you sufficient notice so that you will not be babysitting. — Margo, rationally

Making Oneself Heard

Dear Margo: I'm 28 years old, and I've always been a creative person. I loved to write and draw and paint. I'm not claiming to be the next Stephen King or Salvador Dali, but it satisfied my sense of creativity and got me through tough times. I not only had a stillbirth in 2005, when I was 22, but I then met the man I thought I would spend my life with. Long story short, the night before I was to go wedding dress shopping, he called to tell me he'd slept with another woman and realized he didn't want to be married. I tried to write and draw but just couldn't.

I am currently impotent (and that's the best way I can describe it) when it comes to being creative. I feel the urge to write/draw, but I am blocked. I realize depression weighs into this, but at the same time, I'm not moping around and have had a wonderful support network that helped me work through a lot of my emotions.

Now, the reason I'm writing you: My little brother also inherited the creative gene, and I admit he is quite talented. He is also my best friend. However ... whenever he writes anything or paints a new picture, he insists on showing it to me and needs to hear how wonderful it is. This only serves to underscore my own impotency and create a sense of jealousy that I can't explain and dislike. If I don't fawn all over whatever he's just done, he accuses me of being "pissy" and "jealous." I can't help how this makes me feel. Is there a way of letting him know that his creativity is wonderful, but it does me no good to have it waved in my face at every turn? — Blocked and Blue

Dear Block: There is a way: straightforwardly. Try to explain and make him understand that his productivity only serves to underscore your own block, and it would be better for your mental health if he didn't put you in the position of having to see his output and feel obliged to ooh and ah. Tell him that surely there are others who would be genuinely enthusiastic. I also think your artistic self will return. — Margo, straightforwardly

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.