Recently, another student and I met, and while we didn't instantly become best friends, we ended up on a friendly footing. She is taking a French class that she's not doing great in, so I, being fluent in French, offered help. The assignment was to take on a political issue facing America today; she chose homosexuality. More specifically, she wrote that there's nothing wrong with homosexuality, and those who believe otherwise are small-minded bigots.

I was naturally a bit uncomfortable, but didn't say anything. She, however, wanted to engage me in a discussion about how my religion influenced my views on homosexuality. I tried to be brief, but she kept digging. Finally, I told her basically what I told you. She blew up and started ranting about how "people like you" are ruining America and Christianity is just an excuse to be hateful, etc. She also told our mutual friends that I am a bigot who hates gays. I think she was far out of line. Was I in the wrong here? If so, what should I have said? — CN

Dear C: This is interesting because it is somewhat convoluted. You say your views are irrational, that religion is, as well, and you don't make a habit of being vocal about your views. You have gay friends and acquaintances, so you are not a practicing bigot. The fellow student you were trying to help asked your views and then went nuts when you obliged her — in what you say was an abbreviated form. Because you knew where she was coming from, you could have fudged, but instead you were intellectually honest and, given the situation, courageous.

I think your defense with your friends is to point out that your instinctive friendships have trumped your religious views, and to remind them that you have never chosen to discuss this. I find the young woman immature and confrontational, and I also get the idea that, in time, you will lose the views you have now because you know there is something wrong with them. — Margo, progressively

A Lost Love, Five Years Later

Dear Margo: A co-worker and I had a long-distance three-year relationship — he was in London, and I was in the U.S. It was awesome because he would be here for a week each month. I could focus on my career and family, and yet we had a wonderful time. In 2005, we both decided, for family reasons, he needed to stay in London, and I in Virginia. So I took care of my mom, who had Alzheimer's, he took care of his family, and we stayed in touch as friends — but intermittently.

He is not a great communicator, but he has now expressed the desire to regroup. I will be honest: I have missed him, but I have no desire to rekindle something that has him in London and me here. I plan to be upfront with him when he arrives, but don't know if I should insist he stay in a hotel until we sort things out. Or is that silly, as adults who truly loved each other? He truly was special. — Need Your Thoughts Soon!

Dear Need: You are both adults, and I detect a great deal of feeling on both sides. Bag the hotel. If you two cannot arrive at a plan to bridge the distances to your mutual satisfaction, I think the rekindling interlude would still be a definite plus. And I have the idea that his wish to "regroup" suggests he may have a plan. I hope so. — Margo, hopefully

Politics and Religion -- Again

Dear Margo: "Ellie" and I have been friends for nearly 50 years. We have been through much together, even though we live in different states. However, we have never been able to discuss politics or religion since we are diametrically opposed in these areas. I long ago accepted that limit on the friendship.

Recently, I invited her to visit for three days to see a special art exhibit, attend a cooking class and have dinner with my friends here. We had a great time until she went on a political diatribe one evening while we were watching the news. I had to ask her to stop screaming at me, even though I was not participating in the dialogue. After she went home, she sent an e-mail that reawakened my hurt feelings, and unfortunately, I responded in kind. However, after a few exchanges, we both apologized, and I thought we were ready to move on.

It's now been more than a month, and she is still reading and re-reading the e-mails and demanding I respond to her. This upsets me and makes me overly anxious. I keep telling her it's over for me and asking her to move on, but she refuses to accept this. I don't know what to do besides refusing further discussion and giving her time to work it out for herself. It's all so exhausting. — Flummoxed

Dear Flum: People who can't let go can really gum up a friendship, and I think that has already happened in your case. You do not need to defend yourself or go through a rerun of your differences. As for her "demanding" that you respond, well, stick to your guns. What can she do — send you to your room? I fear the friendship had a shelf life of 50 years, which ain't bad. And do bear in mind that age does nothing to smooth over these kinds of situations. If an announcement of severed relations is required, make it. — Margo, philosophically

On Being Nagged To Have Children!

Dear Margo: Lately, I've realized my mother is not talking to me. It all started when she launched into a rant about how I wasn't giving her grandchildren. It's really been frustrating! Along with this, I have to deal with a proposal. I do not think I'm ready for marriage yet, but my current boyfriend (of four years) has been pressuring me. Sometimes I just want to say to my mother, "Whoa! Slow down. I don't know if I even want to marry this man ... so having kids is a whole step ahead." She is constantly "reminding" me that she got married at 20 and gave birth to me at 23. She is making me seriously nervous. — Louisa

Dear Lou: In your circumstances, I would be grateful my mother wasn't talking to me. She is way off base to push you to marry so she can have grandchildren. Frankly, I've never understood parents (and fathers can be just as bad) who are so eager for grands that they badger their kids — and you are not even married yet.

Tune her out, dear, and you might consider informing her that 1) you've not decided on a husband, 2) you find it intrusive for her to be pushing you for reasons having to do with her desires, and 3) when it's time for her to go shopping for little things, you will let her know. Continue to go at your own speed. You are wise to resist pressure, and I hope the grandmother-in-waiting gets a grip. — Margo, decisively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2011 MARGO HOWARD