If you recall our college days, gentlemen called you no later than Wednesday for a Saturday night date. They wined and dined you and walked you to the door for a goodnight kiss, if they were lucky. Sex came later, when the woman felt she was in a committed relationship. Young women today should all unite, stop waxing and "take back the night." — Sally

Dear Sal: You and I wouldn't have gone for the routine that you say is today's norm. I think our generation was lucky that sex meant something and "virtue" had value. The hook-up culture of today strikes me as bizarre, with its practitioners the losers.

I don't think you're asking a question so much as voicing a protest. Your views seem to coincide with your daughter's — and I'm guessing she got hers from you. I hope you'll make an effort not to be nervous on her behalf, because there are men who find the hooking-up culture shallow and demeaning. People are getting married all the time, and I seriously doubt all those romances began with a booty call. And guess what? Following is a letter from your daughter.

Sex and the City: Part II

Dear Margo: My mother wrote you in regard to me and men. I know she's concerned that I don't date, and I want to give you my perspective. I knew about sex at a young age and felt comfortable being open with her. I chose not to lose my virginity in high school; my mother always told me not to settle. I went to college, and a voice in my head told me to wait. I was not interested in one-night stands in a fraternity house. I was mysterious, an enigma.

The "virgin thing" went from enigma to stigma in the real world. I've been working for a year, and I'm 22 and still a virgin. My confidence makes me attractive to men, and I have a head-turning Kim Kardashian figure. Desirable men flirt with me, but I know they are only after one thing. I am mature for my age, which comes off as sexually experienced. Men don't ask me on dates; they just invite me to their humble abodes. I feel disinclined to accept any of these offers because of my "secret." All I really want is for someone to see me for me. — Virgin Whore

Dear Virg: I believe your mother understands where you are coming from and, in fact, agrees with you. Her concern is that you will never find Mr. Right if you refuse to go on dates. I think you are shortchanging the appeal of not being easy. Sexual America may be on a faster track than before, but there are still men with standards. My recommendation would be for you to accept what you imagine to be invitations to hook up and then treat them as dates — you know, with things like "conversation." If the guy is disappointed, well ... he might also be intrigued. You will at least have given him a chance.

Do not buy into the "stigma" business. Somewhere there's a man who doesn't think much of hooking up and is looking for a girl like you, and the only way you will find him is by accepting dates. I have been around a long time and know that when the chemistry is right, you can pretty much have things your way. — Margo, determinedly

Losing It, in More Ways than One

My mother mentions things years later. "Oh, Cindy and her husband are having a baby," she'd say. "What? I didn't even know she'd gotten married." "Well, yes, you received an invitation a couple of years ago." Apparently, I've been receiving some bills there, too, because my mom finally mentioned one in passing. Now, instead of owing $16.50, I owe more than $400 in late fees. I will call the vendor and try to work it out, but how can I convince my mother to give me my mail? — Frustrated

Dear Frus: It sounds as though your mother has slipped a stitch and somehow cannot process the fact that mail addressed to you needs to go to you. Here are some steps you can take. Deputize your sister to ask whether there's any mail for you, and then have her send it on to you. Re-file a change of address/forwarding form with the post office in your mother's town. Think of the vendors (and alumni offices!) that send you bills and announcements, and then be in touch with them to check that they're up to date about your whereabouts. And good luck with the late fees that are 24 times the original charge. — Margo, hopefully

If You Do Not Send this on to Ten Friends...

Dear Margo: I have a co-worker who regularly sends me those stupid chain-type emails. I always delete them, most of the time without even reading them. These time-wasters usually request that I send the message on to a certain number of people, including her, and if they don't threaten calamity or bad luck if I don't forward them, they usually imply that the sender will know who her true friends are, or something like that.

Today I got one in which she indicated in the subject line that she "needed it back" if I wasn't going to send it on. Am I obligated to send it back to her? And if so, do I include a comment as to how I wish she would stop wasting my time? — Email etiquette

Dear E: I will give you the advantage of my experience, because I had to think this through some years ago for myself. There is no obligation to do anything that these mass mailings request. In your situation, I would forward back to her the "I need it back" item with your own note saying your workload has increased and you no longer have time for this kind of entertainment. (I would skip the phrase "stop wasting my time.") If they keep coming, ditch them with a clear conscience.

I can tell you the exact time when I rang off from such emails: It was when I had to go through hoops to see something "amazing" that Barbie would do if I sent it on to five people. Guess what? Barbie never did it. — Margo, restrictively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2011 MARGO HOWARD