The administrative staff (the politically correct term for "secretaries") decided they don't like me, and they are very often nasty. They get aggressive with me if I say I am too busy for a student walk-in, even though we don't normally take walk-ins. They make things up about me to tell the boss, such as my not returning phone calls or emailing students back. One of the admins, as we call them, is now giving me the silent treatment. Some of my students have even complained about their treatment by my staff.

When I tried to talk to my boss about this, he said only vague things about "finding balance" and "getting along." This is very hard for me, but it's also bad for our office. I need to make this job work until my husband is done with school two years from now. Can you help me figure out how to handle it? — Distressed in Denver

Dear Dis: You really must take up this matter with your boss — again. I would suggest documentation, even if you have to reconstruct various episodes. Tell him that "finding balance" and "getting along" is advice he needs to give the admins. When you, as the boss, and students, who are the "clients," think there is something wrong with your staff, there is something wrong with your staff.

As a prelude, however, to returning to the airy-fairy Zen master who is the boss, have a sit-down with the admins and tell them things have reached a critical mass, with both you and the students finding them unhelpful. Ask what the real problem is. (Perhaps they were attached to your predecessor, or maybe they walked all over her, too.) I would listen carefully, and if there is anything they have to say that has validity, make it a point to say you are happy to know this and will work on it. Often an admission of deficiency can go a long way to placating complainers.

If Mr. "Finding Balance and Getting Along" is still vague about what he can do, I would recommend going one step higher. There is no reason you need be held hostage by recalcitrant "admins." — Margo, remedially

Jumping Back In

Dear Margo: After a marriage of 20-some years, I am about to dive into the middle-aged dating pool. I suspect it will be very different the second time around, but part of me thinks it may be just like picking up where I left off. Friends tell me, however, that it's a whole new ballgame and difficult. You seem like the perfect person to ask because I know you know about this, no offense. — Bella

Dear Bel: None taken. The similarity with then and now is that when dating someone new, there's an effort on both sides to sell oneself so as to be seen in an appealing light. The big difference is that with mid-life dating, both parties have quite a bit of personal history behind them. There's a catching-up dynamic with middle-aged people that I call "And what did YOU major in?" You will wind up telling a potential boyfriend about your education, kids, maybe grandchildren, the ex, and a million little details that did not figure into dating the first time around. But ... chins up. The men you will be seeing are just as nervous as you are, and I'm here to tell you that you will get the hang of it. — Margo, optimistically

More than a 13-Year-Old Can Handle

Dear Margo: I'm very worried about my friend. I'm 12, and she will be turning 13. She has casual sex, and unfortunately, she binge drinks and does drugs a lot. She makes very bad choices regarding boys, and I worry for her health and safety. I doubt she uses protection, and I wouldn't be surprised if she got pregnant or an STD sooner or later. I've tried to suggest nicely that she be more careful, but she is set in her ways and thinks she is much more mature than she is. It doesn't help that her closest friends are also like that.

I'm sure others have told her these things, too, but she just doesn't listen. I feel like if she keeps this up, she'll end up having many problems with substances and a low opinion of men. She's had some close calls, but she hasn't snapped out of it. I worry that the only way she'll see reason is if she hits rock bottom, but I obviously don't want her to be beyond repair when she realizes it. — Worried in Michigan

Dear Wor: It is hard for me to believe that these things go on with 12- and 13-year-old kids, but I know that they do. Such a young girl clearly has little parental supervision and many problems. If I were you, I would go to the school nurse or counselor and tell this person of your worries. That adult may open the subject with your friend. The response may not be positive. Because you have "suggested" she modify her behavior and that has not helped, I fear it will take a pregnancy or an STD to wake her up, but you will have tried your best to be a friend. Sometimes we can only get so far in trying to save a friend from herself. — Margo, historically

A Sticky Wicket

Dear Margo: There are two men in my life for whom I have very strong feelings. One, "Tom," I have known for years. We dated previously, and I was deeply in love with him. He broke my heart, though, and only in the past few months have we become close friends again. But recently, he's been trying to resurrect our romance. I am wary because of the past.

The other man, "Carl," is very sweet and has become one of my best friends. We hang out every day and are close. I have developed very strong feelings for him and have heard, from mutual friends, that he feels the same. The only problem is that he hasn't told me directly how he feels. To make things more complicated, these two men are best friends.

I want to do what is right, but I don't want to sacrifice my friendship with either of them. I love Tom and always will. He was my first love, but I don't know whether it's worth trying again. Meanwhile, I'm head over heels for Carl, and I could see us having a great relationship — if only one of us could get the courage to make a move. — Hopeless Romantic

Dear Hope: The best friends part is not so great. However, to get your bearings, I suggest you make the move and ask Carl if he envisions something more than being good buddies. It is hard to predict how this would play out, and there is the possibility that you might not be able to keep both men as friends. Or, worst-case scenario, they might be unable to maintain their closeness. In other words, it's a tossup. — Margo, providentially

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2012 MARGO HOWARD