Dear Margo: I had a best friend (of 20 years), and we used to gab on the phone every day during high school and college. We maintained a good degree of communication for a few years after graduation. 

Two years ago, he was promoted and things suddenly stopped. He didn't answer messages and very rarely sent them himself. I asked him what was going on, and he said he was just busy. To my knowledge, he works a standard 9 to 5 job. I work seven to eight hours a day, myself, plus two hours of commuting, and I still have time to do many things, including recreation, calling friends and helping out relatives. While his job may be more taxing (he's a financial planner), my job is not a cakewalk, either (I do research). My impression is that he simply doesn't have time for his old best friend.

I ask myself frequently whether I am just being paranoid or insecure, but a few things seem to confirm that I am not. For example, on the rare occasions when he's out with us (old friends), he frequently checks his messages on his handheld. Once, when he ran into a few of his new friends, he actually cut short our get-together so he could hang with them. I got fed up, and seven months ago I deleted him from my contacts and stopped messaging him.

Now, just a couple of hours ago, he sent me a "Hi, how are things?" message. Since I wasn't happy with the way he treated me after being best buddies for 20 years, I took that opportunity to express what I felt. I basically told him it was rude and arrogant to ignore messages and invitations, and that I didn't really buy his "I am busy" excuse. He fired back saying he wouldn't attempt to change my mind, and that this was an indication that our friendship must have been fragile to begin with.

What I want to confirm is whether or not I overstepped in my confrontation with him. — Disappointed

Dear Dis: I don't think you overstepped by saying what you felt, because a drastic change in a longtime friendship almost demands a discussion. It seems clear, however, that he has, as they say, moved on. Some friendships are outgrown, and others endure. I would hardly consider a best buddy friendship for 20 years "fragile," so ignore that. But do accept that he's changed, and whether it's for the worse is not really relevant. (And he sounds like a bit of a climber.) These things happen. Onward. — Margo, forwardly

90 Minutes Is No Deal Breaker

Dear Margo: I have "officially" been dating a great guy for a month. We get along really well, and this could be it! The fly in the ointment is that he got a job that caused him to move an hour and a half away. Things were moving along well and smoothly because we were geographically within spitting distance of each other. How do we make this work? — Down in the Dumps

Dear Down: Either of you have a car? An hour-and-a-half commute isn't an out-of-this-world trek. Maybe you could alternate weekends. Where there's a will there's a way ... or a highway, train or bus. (Trains and buses, by the way, offer a great chance to read.) And there are people, believe it or not, who keep a romance going at greater distances than you have to deal with. Good luck. — Margo, transportably

Our Family's Bad Seed

Margo Howard

Dear Margo: For more than 20 years, my extended family has been putting up with my brother's wife. She's a negative, nasty, miserable person who blames everyone else for her problems. Lots of drama has been created time and time again because everything is about her. She's managed to alienate everyone in the family — some, including myself, permanently. And I used to be one of her staunchest defenders in the interest of family harmony. Obviously, she has "issues," but she won't deal with them. Doing so would be admitting she wasn't perfect.

Recently, this woman left a longtime job and went to work for a hospital — the hospital my mother, my other relatives and I have been going to for years. We are concerned about the access she will have to our medical records. Not to sound paranoid, but is there anything we can do to protect ourselves? Is there any way to ensure she doesn't see our records? Do we call the hospital and fill them in? We honestly believe this woman is capable of justifying anything she does — with 20-plus years of experience to back us up. — On Edge

Dear On: I don't know what this troublesome s-i-l would gain by viewing everyone's medical recs, but I suppose anything is possible. The way you'll know, however, is if she casually brings up, say, Uncle Albert's vasectomy, in which case she will have breached HIPAA regulations and can be fired. Several hospital personnel recently were sacked for snooping in celebrities' records in California hospitals. So I guess you all just wait for her to drop something into the conversation that you believe to be medically privileged. There really is no phoning the hospital to say you have a wretched relative who will probably snoop in the records. — Margo, vigilantly

Life Is Choices

Dear Margo: Almost everything about my four-year relationship is perfect. But the one thing that's not is a big one: He is two decades older than I am and already has a kid who has a teenager of her own. I had always been on the fence about having a child, but I feel the pull more as I approach my late 30s. Now he has told me he's 100-percent sure he doesn't want to do the daddy number again. I don't want to pressure him into anything, but I can't help but wonder if I'll regret not being a mom. I know I'd be a good one. He wants me to be happy, which, ironically, only makes it harder to imagine giving him up. What I want is to raise a child with him. I feel no real desire to be with someone new. How do you even do that when you're already in love? I'm drawn to adoption and have considered single motherhood. He's made it clear what he wants. How do I proceed? — Betwixt and Between

Dear Be: Carefully. And you are smart to think and talk about this now. That issue has wrecked more than one marriage. When you say you want to raise a child with him, you must deal with the fact that he's said he doesn't want to raise another child, period. He's done that; now he wants another kind of life. He is already Gramps — which is what he would be taken for if the two of you had a child. Don't bank on getting married and him changing his mind. (Though that has been known to happen.) Your choice now is motherhood or the guy.

I do think you're one step ahead of the game by being inclined toward adoption. In the case of any unforeseen end to the relationship, you would not be burdened by a biological clock that had stopped ticking. Because this needs to be a personal decision, your decision, you might try my old standby: The List. Identify the pros and cons, and try to gauge the strength of your feelings in both directions. Life is choices, my dear, and some situations require us to choose. — Margo, introspectively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via the online form at www.creators.com/dearmargo. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.