Dear Margo: I am an adult woman with three older brothers with whom I do not speak. My oldest brother has always treated me like an idiot child with nothing to say. He stopped even acknowledging my birthday nine years ago. My youngest brother only contacts me when he wants me to do him big favors. The middle brother told me three years ago that I am "dead" to him. He eavesdropped on a conversation I had with his now-ex-wife, where he heard me say that if he did what she was alleging, she was right to feel the way she did.

My problem is this: Although my parents say they're staying out of it, they bring up the issue periodically, which shows me it hurts them that their children do not talk. My brothers also rarely, if ever, speak to each other. Our parents are in their 70s, and a recent health scare with Mom has me thinking that when my parents do eventually pass away, I will have no connection with family anymore. I am not sure whether there is anything I can do to end the animosity between siblings, since most contact with them has been met with disdain. Do you have any ideas, or should I just cut my losses? — Only Child in a Family of Six

Dear Only: The word "dysfunctional" comes to mind, but it doesn't do justice to what you say is going on with your brothers. They all sound like losers to me, and you would be doing yourself a favor by realizing that there is nothing wrong with you but plenty wrong with them. It has to be a heartache for your folks that their children are not a loving group of sibs, but that's the way it is. I would give up on your odd brothers, and whether or not this has something to do with how they were raised, I have no way of knowing. You'd think the baby sister would be cherished, but that's not what happened. Try to write this situation off as bum luck, and shore up your parents by telling them one never knows what the future holds. — Margo, forwardly

Living With "What If?"

Dear Margo: I'm stumped, so over to you. I'm 36, female, dating a good man (but with plenty of personal space) and in my own home (albeit rented). I'll soon finish a master's in my field after years of hard work.

Here's the problem: I grew up in an alcoholic family. I've been divorced twice and have two teenage boys and an incredible set of coping skills for drama, stress and anxiety. So, how does one learn to cope with peace and no drama?

I pace the house at night wondering when something will go wrong. I dream of breaking up with my boyfriend, because what if he turns into a jerk? I constantly worry my boys will get into trouble at school (they are straight-A students). Now I'm starting to obsess about whether my lease will be renewed in August — after five years here. My friends think I'm insane and tell me to chill. How do you learn new coping skills? Where do you start? Somehow, waiting for something to go wrong seems more stressful than dealing with things in the past that really did go wrong. — Frustrated

Dear Frus: Not to belittle your problem, but I guarantee you there are people reading this who would trade places with you in a heartbeat. That said, I understand what you're saying. You are, indeed, obsessing and not letting the bad times go. I think you can get ahold of this anxiety by taking a page from AA: one day at a time. Make it your mantra. Every day that is peaceful and free of stress, tell yourself this is the new world order. You beat the odds, you prevailed, and you made your life good. Now live with it! — Margo, optimistically

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.