Dear Margo: I've been married 13 years, and for the past six months, my husband has done so many things that boggle the mind that I'm not sure what to do.

It all began when he tried to help a young girl with her car. He is very mechanical and is always willing to help anyone. I was with him the day her car broke down, and all he could do was tell her to park it because she had run out of coolant, and that she would need to replace her water pump to stop the coolant from leaking. He gave her his number in case she couldn't find someone to change the pump.

About three weeks later, she texted him. Her first message was simple: Would he still be willing to help? He texted her back and said he and his friend were off the next day and would be glad to help. In her next text, she asked him to come that night and made different sexual offers as to what she would do for him.

When I told him this needed to stop, he laughed and said he wasn't doing anything wrong because he wasn't cheating on me, and that it was just harmless texting. Our older children, 8 and 9, have overheard some of our fights about this, and they've told several people at school (teachers, aides) about their daddy's girlfriend. Am I wrong in thinking he is disrespecting our marriage and me? Should I leave or just shut up and take it? — Livid

Dear Liv: I am speechless. On a scale of one to Jon Gosselin, your guy is right up there.

"Harmless texting," my eye. "Disrespecting your marriage"? How about acting single? To find a young woman on a street and begin a sexual texting relationship (if that's all it is) is shameful. It is nothing more than phone sex with a keyboard. This husband of yours could give white trash a bad name. The "Daddy's girlfriend" business is a nice touch, too. I would instruct him to delete this tramp's number from his phone and tell him "game over" or else. And if he jives you around again about how it's harmless, tell him "game over" in the sense that he needs to find a lawyer. — Margo, furiously

When a Simple Question Isn't So Simple

Dear Margo: I have a simple question — I think. I want to know what to say when someone asks me how many children I have. I've given birth to two beautiful boys, but one passed away very early in his life here on earth. I feel that saying I have only one son makes him seem insignificant. However, saying I have two sons inevitably invites the question, "How old are they?" My typical response is, "My eldest is 5, and the youngest passed away." But ultimately, this makes the other person feel uncomfortable and the conversation becomes awkward. Is there another way to address this question without inviting additional questions? — Della

Dear Del: Try to take the question literally: How many children do you have? You have one child. This will be easier for others and, I think, for you. Your question, by the way, is sadly more common than you might imagine. Certainly good friends know your story, and should you become close to new people, your sad loss will become known. But in casual situations, where that question is offhand — like, "What do you do?" or "How do you like your job?" — I think the literal answer is the best. — Margo, appropriately

When the Inlaws Attack

Dear Margo: I have an issue with the in-laws. Big surprise, huh?

For years, things have been OK with my husband's parents, but suddenly they've become combative. They'll start in on politics. They are conservatives, and we're not, but that's not the issue. They will start complaining about the president or the Democrats and just harangue us. A while back, I remember reading a story about an explosion at a power plant that had killed at least five people, and I relayed that news. They made no mention of the loss of life, but said that we should just blame it on Bush. "After all, that's what Obama does." It's come to the point where my husband, our daughter and I have become uncomfortable. Everything's a fight, and if we try to make a point, they just shoot it down. We never bring up subjects like politics or religion for just this reason. Would it be out of line to politely ask that politics be a topic we agree to avoid? — Deja Vu

Dear De: Sometimes advanced age can make people cranky, and if life is not going right, everything's a target. If this is a relatively new issue, which it sounds like it is, you would not be out of line to request that the conversation steer clear of politics for the sake of harmony. Should you make the request and the discussion devolves into Obama-is-wrecking-the-world, simply be unavailable for a while. They may get the hint. Or they may not. — Margo, practically

How To Stop Being the Pinata

Dear Margo: My husband and I socialize with two other couples four or five times a year. We look forward to every get-together. We, the wives, used to work for the same company in the securities industry. "Barb" and "Ellen" were let go at the time of mass layoffs. Barb has since found work she loves, but Ellen remains unemployed 18 months later. My adjustment to the changed work environment was gradual and difficult. The loss of so many valued co-workers and friends caused me to feel survivor's guilt.

Here's my problem: Every time I get together with these friends, the subject of the company we've all worked for comes up. I've worked through my negative feelings about the layoffs and feel the company treats me pretty well. Ellen continues to resent the company and rails about "corporate greed." I feel that this reflects poorly on me and my values. I also feel that she's taking a complicated business and financial issue out of context (considering the economics of the time) and reducing it to a bumper sticker.

How do I change the subject or — better yet — put an end to it once and for all? I don't want to be subjected to this anymore. Any ideas? — Mixed Up in Minnesota

Dear Mix: I understand the survivor's guilt part, but the "corporate greed" slam in no way reflects on you. My suggestion would be that, prior to the next time your gang gathers, you get to Barb and say, "We're not going to bring up the company." If Ellen brings it up, simply say that you all need to move on from that extremely sad time, and since none of you can do anything about it, you see no point in rehashing this traumatic event yet again. — Margo, managerially

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD