We had words yesterday, and he pretty much told me that this is what he wants and I could take it or leave it. I am unsure what to do. To me, a man who would buy a yacht before thinking about a house and family (he says he wants children) seems a bit irresponsible, like he doesn't want to "grow up." Is this just a phase that he will grow out of, or am I being close-minded? I am willing to try sailing, but it doesn't seem that he has really thought seriously about a family. At his age, if he hasn't done so yet, am I wasting my time? — Wondering

Dear Won: All of this man's fine qualities notwithstanding, it sounds like the boat is No. 1 in his affections. When a man is 40 and his lifelong dream is finally within reach, I suspect his priorities will not change and that this is not "a phase." The "take it or leave it" is quite a strong hint.

Unless you are able to talk this out with him to your satisfaction, I think you would be wise to let him look for another first mate. This whole deal sounds like the floating version of a souped-up motorcycle, which is often a midlife situation, or at the very least a self-centered choice. I am married to a sailor, but it is way down on the list of things he values. My guess is that you will wind up inviting Popeye to find himself a sailorette. — Margo, aquatically

When To Commit the "Sin" of Omission

Dear Margo: I have started a relationship with the most amazing guy. I met him at my university (and this is also my first relationship with someone of the same gender). We always have a great time, and our personalities mesh really well.

When I tell my friends about him, I am embarrassed to say how we met, since it was through an online ad for no-strings-attached sex. But even our first night together ended up being more than just sex. I want to be able to tell people how I met him without having to lie, but I don't like having to deal with their overly critical judgments. Is there a way I can describe how we met and still be able to avoid the criticism and disgust that so many of my friends would have? — Tired of the Critics

Dear Ti: To quote a Yiddish proverb, "You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails." Simply tell people that the two of you met online (perfectly respectable these days), and leave out the hooking up and no-strings-attached aspect. That is nobody's business. And while I'm pondering relevant sayings, the idea of meeting strangers just for sex reminds me of something Gore Vidal said of himself: "I have tried everything except incest and folk-dancing." In any case, I wish you and your accidentally wonderful hook-up well. — Margo, serendipitously

Homesick ... Three Times

Dear Margo: When my mother remarried, we moved about 45 minutes from where we were originally. Then my stepfather took a job (which they forgot to tell us he was looking for) about nine hours away. We moved again. He got another new job about two hours away that paid much more, so he now lives there and comes home on the weekends. But our mother is telling us that we will most likely move there.

I didn't complain about the first three moves, but I am actually enjoying the place we are living in now. She told us each move was permanent, but after her husband's most recent move, she said we would stay until I was out of high school. This was a promise from her, partly because we had already moved so much.

I'm sick of her broken promises, and although I love her dearly, I would never be able to forgive her for a stunt like this. She is tap dancing on my last good nerve by still planning on moving. If she hadn't promised us so many times, or if she had thought about what my sister and I might need instead of continually moving wherever my stepfather wanted to go, it might not be this way. If she does make this move, I know our relationship will be damaged permanently. — Homesick

Dear Home: I think it's nice that your mother is being so accommodating of her husband, but sheesh, all right already. I think three moves, with a fourth on the horizon, is unfair when there are high-school-aged kids involved. I suggest you show her this column and remind her that her word should be worth something, and that there are others in the family to be considered besides her husband. This man, as well, does not sound as though he is considering his family. I hope you can change your mother's mind. — Margo, stably

A 7-Year-Old Headed for Project Runway?

Dear Margo: I have been sewing since I was a child and had hoped one of my daughters would be interested in it, as well, but this has not happened. My 7-year-old son (fascinated with power tools and woodworking), however, asked for a sewing machine.

He has made things such as beanbags, pillows and small items for his sisters' stuffed animals. He's not the least bit interested in designing clothes, although I did help him make pajamas for himself. Recently, I was telling my mom (from whose mother I inherited the sewing talent) that "Joey" had helped me make sashes for our church's decorating committee, and she accused me of trying to "turn him into a girl." I find this highly insulting, as sewing is gender neutral. (Aren't men tailors?)

Her implication that my son is gay because he wants to sew is ridiculous. He is so proud of the work he does, and she refuses to acknowledge it, unlike everyone else in the family, as well as teachers, our priest and friends. Do I continue to foster his creativity and ignore her? I don't want her saying hurtful things to him. I would think she'd be happy that the talent I inherited was being passed along, whether to her grandson or granddaughter. — Sputtering

Dear Sput: Your benighted mother is stuck in gender-stereotype limbo. I did a scientific survey — well, OK, I asked four gay male friends, but they all said they cannot even sew on a button. My husband sews buttons on for me — a fringe benefit of a surgeon's familiarity with needle and thread. In any case, continue to encourage your son in whatever interests him, and inform your mother that his sexuality will be determined by time and instinct, not a sewing machine. Also, tell her that remarking to her grandson on her "interpretation" of his interest in sewing is verboten and that she must ... well, button her lip. — Margo, rationally

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD