When I confronted him, he claimed they were just good friends and that the calls had nothing to do with trying to reconcile. When I asked why he had kept this rekindled friendship a secret from me, he got mad, saying it was none of my business. I told him that if he was trying to reconcile with his ex, it was indeed my business! He insisted that if he had wanted to reconcile, he never would have gotten engaged to me.

Three months before our wedding, I asked him to stop the calls, saying he needed to put his energies into his new marriage. To my relief, he agreed, and there was no more evidence of contact between them. Since then, I've learned that he still calls her and tries to cover it up. I confronted him, and he once again told me he has the right to call his friends anytime he wants without consulting me. Am I just a jealous and insecure new wife, as he claims? — Enough Is Enough

Dear E: To borrow from Princess Diana: There are three of you in this marriage. You are neither jealous nor insecure. The reality is that he is a louse who is still hung up on his ex, and he's trying to put you on the defensive. If I were faced with this situation, I would be out of there so fast the breeze from the closing door would knock him on his backside. — Margo, confidently

Could Mary Poppins Be Bulimic?

Dear Margo: My wife and I have four children, and we hired a perfect nanny a year and a half ago to care for them when we are at work. She is dependable and sweet, and the kids love her. But we believe she may be bulimic.

She diets frequently and currently is doing the hormone injections. Junk food disappears in droves; whole cakes have disappeared in a single day. We have found evidence of vomit around the toilet and sink. We have asked whether the kids were ill, but she says no.

We are concerned for her health and for the welfare of our kids. We worry about the possibility of her having a sudden health problem while the children are in her care. We are unsure how to confront her. Should we contact her husband? We don't want to lose her. — Please Don't Purge

Dear Please: If you know for certain that none of the children is throwing up or polishing off whole cakes, I see no need to tiptoe around your suspicions. This woman is, after all, caring for four children. (And I do not know what the hormone injections are for.)

Before you contact her husband, sit her down and say there are many signs pointing to her having an eating disorder. Insist that she start to address her illness, or you will have to let her go, both out of concern for your children and not wishing to be a party to her possible hospitalization — or worse. If she denies it, then I think you have no choice but to let her go. — Margo, necessarily

Come Clean, and Watch the Problem Go Away

Dear Margo: One of my best friends, "James," has feelings for me. He always tries to hold my hand, put his arm around me or hug me. He tells me my hair smells nice and offers me his jacket when I'm cold. Although he hasn't said it in so many words, he's made his feelings pretty clear.

Despite all this, I can't bring myself to reciprocate. James is a great guy, but not the one for me. I love having him as a friend and have been careful not to lead him on. James knows perfectly well that I am interested in someone else (call him "Nick"). The problem is that James won't stop doing these things around other people. It's one thing to hug me when we're alone, but quite another to try to hold my hand in a group setting, especially when Nick is around.

Enough people already think we are together because of the way he acts, and it's starting to affect my relationship with Nick, who now believes he is caught in a love triangle. I've tried to avoid explicitly telling him that I'm not interested and he has to stop. Instead, I talk about how much I like Nick, hoping he'll take the hint. How do I tell him without hurting his feelings? — Protective of a Friend's Feelings

Dear Pro: Put the poor guy out of his misery, and level with him. Of course you will hurt his feelings, but it's the fair thing to do. And why is it OK for him to hug you when you two are alone? Whether you're aware of it or not, you are permitting this awkward situation to continue. Be direct, inform him of his "best friend" status, and restructure the relationship. You need to face the music and put the kibosh on this crush. — Margo, determinedly

Saddling Kids with Annoying Names

Dear Margo: Ever since I was in first grade, I've hated my name. It's rarely spelled or pronounced right, no one can ever remember it, and frankly, I've always thought it ugly. All through school, I would be extremely hesitant to introduce myself to anyone because I didn't want to say it. I remember hearing names I liked and would wish were mine.

Years ago, I found a name that really seemed to fit and began using it. It started with new people and then began to stick with my closer friends and even some of my family. My parents, however, hate the name. Apparently, I chose one they briefly considered during my mom's pregnancy but rejected. They've even started correcting me when I introduce myself, making it awkward for the person I was speaking to.

I want to have my name legally changed. I don't want to hurt them, because I know how much thought parents give to naming their baby, which is why I would keep my birth name as a middle name. Somehow, though, I don't think that would change things in their eyes. (And neither of them goes by their birth names.) — A Rose by any Other Name.

Dear A: By all means, adopt the name you are comfortable with. Why should anyone be saddled with a moniker that is mostly mispronounced, often forgotten and ugly? If your parents are so insensitive (and intransigent) that they actually correct you when you say your name of choice, stick to your guns (well, your new name) anyway. And you might ask them why they are against your feeling comfortable with a name you actually like? — Margo, nominally

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD