Dear Margo: I am a 21-year-old woman with what is turning into a big problem. As a child, I always had an emotional attachment to toys — stuffed animals, blankets, you name it. I figured it was something I would grow out of, and I did to some extent, but it has recently resurfaced.

I give all my stuffed toys and action figures a "personality," and I feel guilty and sad if I neglect any of them — for example, if I drop them on the floor and leave them there for a day or two. I don't talk to them or anything, but I project my strong "feelings" for them, and then everything is OK once they know how much I love them.

This is also a problem because I find it extremely hard to get rid of things, as I'm afraid they'll be mistreated if I give them away. I know this is absolutely ridiculous, but that's the way it is. I'm honestly afraid I'm going to become a hoarder.

Unfortunately, that's not all. There's another way this is manifesting: online. Facebook, for example, has games where you can raise animals and pets, and I made the mistake of joining. I have a virtual cat on the game FooPets. I don't want to take care of the cat anymore, but I force myself to. I can't bear giving the cat away and deleting the game, since no one would love it as much as I do and I feel like it loves me, too. I know there is some kind of medical term associated with this, but I've had no luck finding and learning about it. I need help! — Emotionally Attached

Dear Em: Alas, there are several medical terms for what's going on, but I am not a therapist, and that's the person you need to see. Soon. You seem to be mingling insecurity, hoarding, anthropomorphizing and OCD. The fact that you are seriously involved — again — with stuffed and virtual animals at 21 is not healthy. The upside is that you know it. Do get professional help ASAP. — Margo, therapeutically

File Under: Nutty Sisters-In-Law

Dear Margo: My very good friend is getting married this summer and asked me to officiate at her wedding. She asked late last year, and I've been planning and getting things arranged to make that happen, as she lives 12 hours away. (I'd be taking time off from work and driving to her.)

My sister-in-law recently discovered she's expecting and has three dates in mind for her baby shower. Unfortunately, these dates are all within a month of my friend's wedding, and she lives 10 hours in the opposite direction. My s-i-l and I have not had a close relationship, but it's been improving in the past few months. However, when I told her of my prior commitment, and that it meant I wouldn't be able to afford to travel to her baby shower, she decided that I am not welcome to visit her, her husband and their child at any point after the birth.

I feel the fact that I am officiating at a wedding gives it priority over a shower. I guess what I want is not only validation that I'm doing the right thing, but also perhaps reassurance that I will not be cut out of my s-i-l and niece/nephew's life. — Nervous

Dear Nerv: It's a baby shower, for Pete's sake; the baby's not getting married. A shower is simply an afternoon of presents and petit fours. Your s-i-l is way off base and sounds rather self-centered and perhaps not all that bright. I can't imagine she would "disown" you for your absence, but if she were to do that, she is really out to lunch. I would send a little present and hope that calms her down. Don't give it another thought. — Margo, amazedly

Old World Values Clanging Against the New

Dear Margo: I am caught between two cultures and religions. I am finishing graduate school and planning to move to a new city, where my boyfriend is doing graduate-school work. My parents are deeply religious and from a different culture. They are adamantly against us living together before marriage, but my boyfriend is in a challenging program, and I'll just be getting on my feet and looking for work in a new city. Planning a wedding is the absolute last thing we want to do right now. (Sleep ranks at the top of my free-time list.)

We've offered to have a civil marriage now and have a "real wedding" later. That compromise flopped, since my mother wants to turn the civil marriage event into a blowout wedding to which she can invite relatives I barely know to prove I'm not living in sin. My mother is accusing me of hating her and the rest of my family because I "don't want them around for the most important day of my life." Neither I nor my long-suffering boyfriend is particularly religious, but I can't think of any more compromises. Please help. I am at the absolute end of my rope. — East (of Crazy) Meets West.

Dear East: It sounds to me as if you've done everything to make your parents feel comfortable and they are being unreasonable. I would have one more talk with them saying you and your boyfriend are, in fact, intimate; it is none of the relatives' business; you are proceeding at a pace that works for you; you've already offered to have a legal marriage to give them comfort and they've refused. Then do what is best for you. They will either come around — or they won't. You're a big girl now and have chosen to be culturally an American. — Margo, contemporarily

Vodka Rocks and Sheets and a Blanket?

Dear Margo: I am hosting a party and am wondering whether it's my responsibility to also offer guests overnight accommodations. A few have commented that they're looking forward to my party and plan to have such a good time that they'll possibly need to "crash" for the night. All my guests are local and in their late 20s to mid-30s. These friends typically offer places to sleep when they host parties, and this seems to be the norm for them. (I have never taken them up on it.)

I appreciate my guests' desires to avoid driving drunk, but I'm not necessarily comfortable putting them up for the night. I obviously wouldn't throw someone out if they would be a danger to themselves or others, but I would appreciate my guests drinking moderately enough so that they could safely return home at the end of the night ... as I do when I attend a party. Should I suck it up and get sheets and blankets ready for the sofas? If not, how can I politely tell them they shouldn't plan on spending the night? — Not Looking for Overnight Company

Dear Not: Better yet, tell those few guests who plan to have such a good time that they can't see straight to, by all means, have a good time ... but not so much that they will need lodging. A good way to avoid drunk driving is not getting drunk. You, as the hostess, might want to keep track of how fast your supply of whatever you're serving is dwindling, because hosts, like barkeeps, can be sued if they over-serve someone and there's an accident. Maybe because I'm an old bat it is a foreign concept to me that guests get so tanked they wind up staying over, but I suggest you tell people, in advance, that overnights are not part of the invitation. Should anyone get really schnockered, have someone else take them home, or call a cab. Sheets and blankets should not become de rigueur when entertaining at home. — Margo, reasonably

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD