What bothers me most about the entire situation is that he owns a big sailboat. To me, this is an extravagance, especially since his wife is now his family's sole breadwinner and he now owes us more than $2,000. Plus, he's out drinking in bars several times a week, frequents strip clubs and smokes two packs of cigarettes each day. Would it be wrong of me to tell him that the best way he could help his mother (and his family, in general) would be to sell his boat? — Stuck Taking Care of Somebody's Else's Mom

Dear Stuck: It wouldn't be wrong to tell him, but it will fall on deaf ears and get you nowhere. He is clearly irresponsible, and his word is no good. I am guessing that if his wife can't get him out of strip clubs and bars, he is not going to care what his sister-in-law says. I suggest your husband man-up and stick it to him, and tell his wife, as well. If no help is forthcoming, which is my guess, you will most likely have to sell her condo and make arrangements for your elderly m-i-l in a residential facility. I am guessing her mind is starting to fail because she coughed up money, a truck and the furniture to one son, simply because he asked. — Margo, realistically

Mouth Going, Brain Not in Gear

Dear Margo: I am a happily married woman in my late 30s who, for several reasons, doesn't have children. I work with the public on a daily basis and am invariably asked how many children I have. The question doesn't bother me. I understand the majority of women my age have families, and the question is just a quest for commonality. What bothers me is that when I reply, "None," many people ask, "Why?" I smile and give a noncommittal answer, like, "Oh, it's just that way." The truth is a little more complicated and private. When they persist (and many do), I try to change the subject.

What bothers me is the implication that I am a defective woman. People tell me how wonderful it is having children, that I am getting too old to put it off, and that I should have a family, etc. Given that I rely on good word of mouth and positive interactions to stay in business, what would you recommend? — Annoyed

Dear An: I've had countless letters like yours and still cannot get over the lack of sense and sensitivity on the part of some people. It's too bad that because of business considerations you can't let them know they've crossed the line of propriety, if not good taste. (Were this not the case, I would be all in favor of saying something totally weird, like, "I am a hermaphrodite, and it would be difficult.") But because you feel unable to be snarky in the interest of "positive interactions," perhaps close the clods down with, "I have a rare blood condition," or, to leave them less shocked, say, "We could discuss it when we know each other better." — Margo, appropriately

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD