Well, they're coming again, and this time I collared my husband and told him he either needs to step up and deal with them, or write, explaining his reasons for not wanting to be in contact. He told me it's my problem — that I am "encouraging them" — and he plans to continue ignoring them. He thinks eventually they will get the hint. No, they won't. However, I don't feel it's my place to tell them to take a hike. — Distressed and Frustrated

Dear Dis: This is quite a crazy situation. "Rick" could easily be the poster boy for passive-aggressive behavior, and I don't know what I would call his emotionally tone deaf parents. You are enabling this weird family dynamic, however, so I suggest you take your husband's suggestion, uncomfortable though it may be. Write your in-laws (do not phone; tough talk is best written), and say that things have been phony for too long and you wish their son would deal with this, but he won't, so it is your sad duty to lay the cards on the table and state that he wishes no further contact with them. Should they be as impervious as you say and show up anyway, I would not lift a finger. Ten years of this farce is long enough. Actually, it's too long. — Margo, reluctantly

Don't Make People Guess

Dear Margo: I'm a 26-year-old woman who, over the past six months, has been seeking a new job. I've been on a number of interviews, with no success. Admittedly, finding a new job is hard for everyone right now, but a dispiriting thought occurred to me. I have a genetic skin disorder called lamellar ichthyosis, which results in visibly scaly, severely dry skin. I suddenly wondered whether this was affecting my interview results.

Legally, I know medical information and disabilities are not permitted to influence hiring practices unless it affects your ability to perform the job. But my condition is quite rare, most people have no idea what it is, and I've read how important first impressions and appearances are to job interviews. Should I say anything about this during an interview? I don't want someone to assume that I have poor hygiene or something contagious. My condition only affects my appearance and has no bearing on my activities. I'm no stranger to stares and rude questions. I only bring up my skin disorder if directly asked about it or if a friendship has begun to develop, but I'm worried that ignorance may be preventing me from being hired. — Trying To Blend In

Dear Try: I think you should mention your condition for the simple reason that it should not become the elephant in the room. Because it's visible, I think you can get the issue off the table by explaining that it's unusual, but not contagious. And there may be a bonus in so doing: It may remind a potential employer that medical information and/or disabilities are not to be considered when hiring. Also, once having gotten it out there, I suspect the interview will proceed on a more even keel. — Margo, forthrightly

There Is Always Silence ... or Walking Away

The problem is his girlfriend. She seemed nice at first, but over time, she seemed to develop a superiority complex: I lost him; she has him; ergo, she's the victor. If she sees me do something she doesn't agree with, she thinks nothing of trying to pick a fight. She says she's just making "observations" and that I need to be mature and accept her criticism with grace. I don't see how my life is any of her business. In the end, I usually tell her exactly what she wants to hear (that she's right or that I'm sorry) because we have mutual friends that I don't want to lose because of her influence. Any suggestions for a better way to handle this? — Utterly Frustrated

Dear Utt: This girl is so far out of bounds that she's not even playing the game. She is playing her game, however, and you need to close it down. (And I am wondering where Sir Galahad is when all of her "observations" are being made.) The next time she opens her mouth, assuming you can't get away fast enough, tell her you've decided it is time to clue her in that the "observations" are inappropriate and you suggest she do a better job of hiding her insecurity, which is masquerading as superiority. Or ... as a Broadway actress once said to a man in a restaurant who started critiquing her performance, "Who asked you?" — Margo, huffily

Mr. Peepers

Dear Margo: I am rather desperate and value your opinion. For years, we have had an 81-year-old next-door neighbor who is disturbed. He's a hotheaded, bossy and controlling bully. And apparently, he's the healthiest man on earth. He's always out in the yard, walks an hour each day at 5 a.m. and never gets sick. For years, he's done things to our property — trimmed bushes he didn't like, mowed down wildflowers he felt shouldn't be there, etc. We've called the police at times, but we either couldn't prove anything or he was just inside the law — very frustrating. He is nuts. He also lurks and eavesdrops if a rare visitor is talking to us on our porch, and he'll just stare from a chair, pointing our way whenever we're outside. He'll even pull his car over if he's returning from someplace and sees me working on flowers in the front yard and will idle it for a while to watch me. I try to ignore him, but it is harassment. It's not a huge deal, but it is stressful and annoying. How would you handle this? — Crazy in California

Dear Craze: I would recall Robert Frost's astute observation that "good fences make good neighbors." And I would assume that he meant tall ones ... view-blocking ones. I know it's an expense, but what you lose in capital you will gain in satisfaction — and privacy. It will stop him from cutting down plantings in your yard, from staring and probably from eavesdropping. And to continue with Mr. Frost, the "something there is that doesn't love a wall" will not be nature, but your neighbor. Then he may have to find a hobby or favor the people on the other side of him with his surveillance. Good luck. — Margo, craftily

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD