My reason for writing is that he can be lazy at times. Like I said, he is really good at doing household chores that he deems important. (Did I mention he makes the bed every day? I'm so ungrateful!) But if it's something I think is important, like dusting or wiping down the kitchen countertops, he leans toward the lazy side. And he plays video games. I wouldn't take that away from him, but children take work, and I find myself overcome with fear about being a married single mother. Knowing that his own father wasn't particularly hands-on, I worry about how much support I would get from him and how much labor-equity I will see in the realm of childrearing.

Since he is so amazing and I'm so happy and ridiculously lucky, should I simply forget about children and just live happily ever after as we are? How do I know now, before marriage and pregnancy, whether he will step up to the plate? — Worrying

Dear Wor: My dear, no one knows, beforehand, whether anyone will step up to the plate about anything. I also don't think, in your situation, that forgoing children is the key to happily ever after. Because shared responsibility is so important to you, perhaps you could devise a kind of contract. Because he cleans the litter box and the bunny cage, it sounds to me like you'd have a pretty good chance of shared diaper duty (no pun intended). If I were you, I would loosen up a bit, stop worrying and go with the flow. — Margo, optimistically

Be Careful What You Wish For

Dear Margo: I need your opinion (or help). At the beginning of last summer's vacation, I made a small mistake in telling my wife she looked a little on the fat side, a mistake I repeated throughout that summer. To make a long story short, my wife went on a diet when we returned home, and over the course of almost a year, she has lost a tremendous amount of weight. Now the problem is that she won't quit.

Every time I tell her she should stop and maybe put a few pounds back on, she gets angry and says, "Why? So you can call me fat again?" I admit I tease her about some of the things she eats, but it's not meant to be mean or anything. My wife isn't anorexic, but the way she's going, I'm afraid she may be headed in that direction. Pease tell me what to do before the weight loss escalates and becomes a problem. — Worried Husband of a Too-Thin Wife

Dear Wor: Oh, my. Apparently you have never heard about the third rail of marriage, which begins with, "Honey, do I look a little fat in this dress?" You must find a way to walk back your remarks about your wife's weight. In fact, stop talking about food altogether, even "teasing." You clearly hit a sore spot with her. She may be punishing you, or she may be unintentionally on her way to an eating disorder. I would make an abject apology about your thoughtless comments, tell her you would like her old self back, and go with her, if necessary, to her primary care physician to discuss a healthy weight for her. — Margo, apologetically

Who Should Kiss Whom, and How?

Dear Margo: My husband and I married earlier this year, and we have a great relationship. We both came into the marriage with children. The one thing that seems to be driving me crazy is that my husband kisses his 5-year-old daughter on the lips. It's just a peck, but it aggravates me to no end. I have a daughter, and I always kiss her on the cheek. I even explained that you do not kiss on the lips unless you are married. I have mentioned that I'm totally against the gesture; he said he will do so until the day he dies. Fine, but I feel this is intruding on our relationship, as I see it being a sexual gesture and very inappropriate. I have read articles about this, and it is very controversial. I am not sure that I will be able to handle this much longer. Is it wrong of me to ask him for "only my lips or no lips"? — Want My Husband's Lips for Myself

Dear Want: Personally, I agree with you and have always found it kind of creepy. But I have seen many people kiss their children like this, and I don't think it's seductive. Gestures mean different things to different people. To your husband, kissing on the lips is his sign of affection. To you, it's a boundary violation.

I would open the discussion with him in a new way. Perhaps the act itself is less meaningful than his resistance to granting your request. Does he resist your suggestions in general? Might he experience you as eager to weaken his relationship with his daughter? Is there guilt about divorcing the child's mother? Ask yourself why you feel so possessive of his lips and whether it is hard to share his affection. Frankly, I think this issue will subside when his daughter becomes an adolescent and becomes embarrassed by parental affection. — Margo, probingly

To Tweak or Not To Tweak, That Is the Question

Dear Margo: I am frustrated by the poor grammar used today by young and old. I recently began dating a wonderful man who has so many good qualities, yet his poor grammar bothers me. He refers to "her and I" and "me and Joe" instead of "she and I" and "Joe and I." Is there a gentle way that I can correct his grammar without offending him? Would you please provide a basic lesson to your readers with the hope that others will realize they are speaking incorrectly? Please remind your readers that a simple way to know whether it is correct or not is to remove the other person. "She went to the store," not "Her went to the store." "I went to the store," not "Me went to the store." Thank you. — English Is Our First Language.

Dear Eng: I hope this doesn't ruin your day, but I have been told by linguists that when a construction is used incorrectly often enough it becomes an acceptable part of the language. The "me and Joe" thing is no longer a no-no. Now ain't that a kick in the head? As for people realizing they are speaking incorrectly, that is unlikely to happen because people speak, well ... the way they speak. I do know that a lot of people use the "her and I" construction, but "her went to the store" I have trouble believing anyone would say.

As for your lovely man, only you would know how he would react to being corrected. You might tell him that it's a craziness of yours, but you're a stickler for grammar, and then teach him some of your tricks for parsing phrases. Do tread gingerly, though, because if he feels diminished, him and you will not be going to the store. — Margo, carefully

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD