The problem is that my insurance will soon run out. I don't qualify for any through work, and I can't afford it otherwise. When Mark learned what was going on, his suggestion was to get married sooner so I could continue receiving health care through his insurance. He loves me, and his explanation is that when you love someone, you do what you can to take care of them. My concern is that people will think that because we're getting married for insurance, I'm just using him. — Concerned but in Love

Dear Con: As they used to say, you are putting the emPHAsis on the wrong syllAble. I hope you will get married toute de suite and forgo telling anyone you are advancing your wedding due to insurance issues. Yours will not be a green card marriage in any sense, so stop worrying what other people might think. Hint: If you don't mention it, they won't think it. — Margo, pragmatically

When High School Friends Resurface

Dear Margo: I've been married for 20 years, during which time my husband has never given me any reason to mistrust him. He is a good father with a strong sense of responsibility, and he takes his marriage vows seriously.

A couple of years ago, after 30-plus years, he reconnected with his high school friends through the Internet. He's met a few of these friends during his travels, and some of them have even come for dinner. Here comes the situation. He's been going to Paris every three months or so for business, where two of the high school friends live. One is a married male friend, "Sam." The other is a divorced female friend, "Lila." All three have gotten together for dinner, but on a couple of occasions, Sam couldn't make it, so my husband had dinner with Lila.

I know he has no romantic feelings for her, but I'm still uncomfortable with his having dinner with her alone. Just because something hasn't happened in the past doesn't mean it won't happen in the future. Since the Paris trips will continue, I worry about the prospect of him meeting Lila alone at nice restaurants. Even if there is no intention, it is not wise to put yourself in a position where an evening with a couple of extra glasses of wine could lead to something unforeseen. Am I being paranoid? Would I be overreacting if I asked him not to see Lila alone? — Stewing

Dear Stew: Either you trust him or you don't. I don't know if "paranoid" is the right word, but you are manufacturing something to worry about. I think you would seem insecure and controlling if you asked that he only see Lila with the male classmate present. Playing the "what if?" game will only get you a stomachache (and perhaps the fish eye), so assume there is nothing untoward going on in the City of Light until you have reason to think otherwise. A guy's record should count for something. — Margo, fairly

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

What To Do When a Mother's Out to Lunch

Dear Margo: I'm 16 years old, and somehow I've become my mother's marriage counselor. I feel like I don't have a mother anymore because all she does is complain about Dad. I don't think their marriage problems are any of my business.

The problem is that I am Mom's only friend. I've tried to get her to go to the local church and make friends, but she won't do it. She also refuses to see a therapist or a marriage counselor, despite my begging her to do this. (I know little about her past life, but I'm guessing she's had therapy before and it was a disaster).

Right now, the marriage isn't doing so well, but I think it's just one of the rough spots that come with marriage and will pass. Because I'm almost grown up, I don't have much time left with Mom. I'm not asking for a lot from her. I cook dinner most of the time, I clean, and I do a lot of work around the ranch we live on. What I need is a mother, not to be her mother. I have no one to go to and no idea what to do. — Miss My Mommy

Dear Miss: I am so sorry your mother hasn't shown better judgment. The good news is that you sound very solid. My suggestion for turning things around, since you seem to be the grownup in this situation, is to tell your mother, perhaps with your father present, just what you have told me. You might point out that you are not equipped to handle her difficulties, nor should you be expected to. Too bad she won't see a therapist, because I'm sure any good one would tell her she is crossing boundaries.

I am also wondering what she is so busy doing that you are cooking and cleaning. It is entirely possible that she is so immature that she can't stop herself, in which case, just say you aren't discussing the subject any further, and keep in mind that in two years you'll be going to college. Let us hope far from home. — Margo, supportively

Keep a Toxic Sister at Bay

Dear Margo: I feel estranged from my younger sister, who lives on the opposite coast. We fought a lot as kids and then grew closer due to some family situations and were even roommates as adults. However, she seems to harbor resentment about things that happened to her as a child and blames me, although they were my parents' doing, not mine. I have supported her through two breakups, even though she told me to "get over it already" when I went through a divorce. She seems to care for no one but herself.

Recently, she came to visit and stayed with my fiance and me and our kids. At brunch, I fed one of the kids healthy foods at his doctor's request, and the moment I was out of sight, she loaded him up with cookies and cake from her plate. Anytime we went anywhere, she followed my fiance in stores when we were browsing. At a family event, she waited until I went to the restroom to ask my fiance how we were doing and to offer support "if he ever needed anything." I don't understand why she seems to go out of her way to make my fiance happy by siding with him at every opportunity. — Older Sister

Dear Old: You don't understand why your sister is solicitous of your fiance? I do. She may be your sister, but she is not your friend. She is competitive with you, carries around old grudges, would love to get your beau away from you, and in general sounds like she's not wrapped real tight. Anybody who gives a kid cookies and cake knowing the doctor said ix-nay is destructive, maybe nuts, and someone to keep at arm's length — or in your case, a country's length. — Margo, affirmingly

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD