I pay all my own bills, and after I get my paycheck, there's pretty much nothing left to save to get my own place. Other kids my age have parents who are helping them and guiding them toward living on their own. My whole life I've had to do everything myself. I suffer from an anxiety disorder, perhaps from being around my parents who are drunk and screaming all the time. I don't know what to do, and I feel like I am losing all hope. — Worried Girl

Dear Wor: You have to get out of there; to stay would be masochistic. I would see if it's possible to move in with a friend. If not, find a roommate. Even renting a room in someone's house would buy you peace of mind. In other words, do whatever it takes to live away from your parents, even if you have to postpone going back to school. The fear and the stress you would eliminate will make you feel as though you have an entirely new life. It is very unfair and awful that this is your situation, but that's the way it is, so it's up to you to change it by leaving it. Good luck. — Margo, transformatively

An Unfortunate Luck of the Draw

Dear Margo: I have three sisters — two younger, one older — who have made my life a living hell for 54 years. My older sister stole my identity and bragged about her accomplishments when, in fact, they were mine. She has beaten me up all my life (physically and emotionally). When I refused to give her my mother's things when Mom was in ICU, she slugged me. (I should mention that I was going through chemo at the time.) The next sister stole from me constantly, taking my meds (pain killers) and money I'd hidden in my home. Then there's the littlest sister, who burned our father's dress blues so that when he died I couldn't put his ribbons on his uniform. I made sure he had a real honest-to-God military funeral, which made her so mad that she took all the pictures of my dad and me together and burned them. The last straw was when they started to hurt my children.

I filed papers with the state of New York (they all live there) and legally disowned them. I've changed my phone number, and they've been served with papers stipulating they are to have no contact with me and that our sibling relationship is dissolved. I even deactivated my Facebook account so they couldn't contact me that way. I am moving in three weeks, and I don't plan to file a change of address with the post office. I will notify people who need to know how to contact me. How do I tell them to leave me alone? — Victimized for Decades

Dear Vic: I think you've already told them. Serving legal papers, getting a new phone number and moving to a new address ought to do the trick. Short of going into the witness protection program, there doesn't seem to be much more to do. These people sound unbalanced. Should they track you down, hang up or close the door and call the police. Given what you tell me, they would be harassing you, and you have the record to prove it. — Margo, legally

Out of the Blue and Seeing Red

Dear Margo: I am devastated. My girlfriend of five years, basically my wife, told me a few days ago that she wants a break. (I am also female.) She has been talking to a girl, "Laura," who found her on a social networking site — someone she'd met briefly when they were 14. She apparently always wondered what happened to Laura, and I had no problem with them catching up.

They've been texting (nothing more) for the past couple of months, and I had no reason to be jealous until she said she didn't want to be dishonest and admitted she was thinking of cheating. She is intrigued by Laura and says she "has to scratch the itch." Laura would not agree to meet my girlfriend while she is still committed to me, hence the "break." But now Laura won't see her at all because we are still living together. (We have no means of living separately.) Laura says she is "in love with her and wants to be together forever." My girlfriend sees the game Laura is playing, but still can't give it up. She says she wants to be with me forever, that there's nothing wrong with our relationship, but she would "really like to mess around with Laura." What should I think of all this? — Little Miss Left Waiting in N.Y.

Dear Lit: Your girlfriend is a little light in the commitment department, and Laura sounds manipulative. She would like your partner to give up everything just for a tryout. Too bad your girlfriend isn't smarter than that, but there you are. Since Laura has been presented to you as a diversion, and because she demands that your girlfriend live separately, I think your partner should ask Laura to buy her a little house, or at least ask her to move in with her. In a perfect world, your lover would wake up and smell the coffee, as a smart woman once said. For her sake and yours, I hope she ignores the itch and overcomes her desire for a meaningful overnight relationship. — Margo, hopefully

When Nothing Is the Thing To Do

Dear Margo: I'm concerned about my friend "Anna." She is 21, but often acts much younger. Although intelligent and about to get her degree in a difficult area of science, many of the responsibilities of adulthood seem to be beyond her. She has never gotten a driver's license, saying there's no point because she can't afford a car. This means her friends are expected to pick her up and drive her home if we want to hang out with her. She pays hardly any of her own bills, as she's on her parents' family plans for everything from health insurance to cell phone coverage. She shows no sign of planning to move out of their home, saying that living there saves money she can't afford to spend in this economy.

Although Anna is very caring and intelligent, she has a kind of "absent-minded professor" temperament. Several times when I've been out with her, she has dropped her wallet without noticing, or she gets lost (in her own hometown). I worry that her parents, a bit clingy, are enabling her to get by without learning to pay bills, find her way around or even drive a car. Am I overreacting to something that will straighten itself out with time, or should the friends have a talk with her about our concerns? — Concerned in Wisconsin

Dear Con: Have a talk with her and say what? You wish she'd learn to drive and not lose her wallet? Alas, friends cannot "fix" absent-minded professor behavior. You all are nice to be concerned about your friend, but your worries about her are not things you can mention and then presto change-o. Life, necessity and more maturity will shape her up. Or it won't. Hang loose. — Margo, incrementally

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

COPYRIGHT 2010 MARGO HOWARD