Dear Margo: My parents adore their grandchildren and regularly do wonderful things for them and take them to lovely places. This past summer, they took them to the lake for a few days with my niece. My children are 11 and 7, and my niece is also 7. My father provides childcare for my niece while my sister works. The main problem is that my parents do not discipline my niece when it's called for, and sometimes she almost seems to be rewarded for bratty, whiny behavior.

Her behavior on this past trip was so bad that I felt she endangered the safety of my children. She jumped on top of my daughter and was not punished at all. My dad just seems too old to handle children, and my stepmom simply has no clue what to do. They told my kids and my niece that next summer they are taking them to New York for four days. After this past trip, I just don't think this can happen. New York is a busy city, and if my parents are attending to one of my niece's many tantrums, they will not be able to adequately watch my children. I have this fear that my youngest will be left on a subway or in a cab. They also put too much pressure on my oldest child to help out with everything.

Now my husband is furious with them and with me because he really wanted to take the children to New York first, and he doesn't trust my parents, either. My children are also mad at me because we've said they will not be going to New York with their grandparents. I don't know how this situation has spun out of control, and I'm also unhappy that I have to feel like the bad guy in this situation. — Mom in the Middle

Dear Mom: Forget being the bad guy. That designation only comes up in a mother's life maybe 8,000 times before the kids are grown up.

The first thing you should do is discuss the situation with your sister. She clearly needs to up the ante on the discipline front when she is at home, and do share your concerns that your dad may be too old to look after little kids, and his wife doesn't seem cut out for the job, either. I think your children will be cool with the idea that their dad wants to take them on their first trip to NYC. And I would be forthright in explaining the reduction of time spent alone with their cousin and grandparents. Don't be shy about saying safety matters to you, and Grandpa is too permissive for your taste. — Margo, immovably

It Can't Be a Coincidence

Dear Margo: I seem to have a five-year itch for just about everything: relationships, geography, jobs. Do you think it's them or me? — Stuck

Dear Stuck: Well, that's certainly a precise question. Knowing little else besides the fact that everything in your life lasts for about five years, I would hazard the guess that it's you. I don't know how the number 5 became your default limit, and I'm not sure there's a way to find out, but you might want to try. Perhaps some sessions with a psychologist just batting the issue around may help you understand what is at work, because I am guessing you might like some things to last longer than five years. It is interesting that in numerology that number represents action and restlessness. (Ahem.) — Margo, numerically

When You're Hanging on by Your Thumbs

Dear Margo: Like many others, the recession has taken a toll on our family. My husband has been a functioning alcoholic for years, and despite my objections, he leapt at the opportunity for early retirement two years ago and now spends his days watching television, drinking and criticizing everything I do. Once he retired, he decided I would continue working and we would live off my income for the next 10 years to avoid tapping into the retirement fund.

Well, I lost my job a year ago and have not been able to find a new one. At the urging of former colleagues, I started a new business. It is finally starting to generate some revenue, but we are still dependent upon my husband's retirement income. Consequently, he participates in every business decision and points out how everything I touch will fail. Please be aware that I have advanced degrees and have held positions as COO and CFO.

I am so depressed that I can barely get out of bed in the morning. I want nothing more than to leave him and live alone. I should have done this years ago, but instead relied on a heavy work schedule and limited vacations to minimize our time together. Now I feel like a prisoner. The one family member who has seen his dark side tells me I should suck it up because it's hard to live alone at my age (I am in my early 50s). I just can't bear any more criticism and "humor" at my expense. During a call with a potential client, I asked what more I could do to get his business. My husband piped up and said, "You could lose 50 pounds and have sex with the board of directors." Yes, the client heard. I was beyond mortified. How can I live in this environment until I can become self-supporting again? — No Sense of Humor

Dear No: I expect some pushback with this advice, but I'm for doing what needs to be done. You've been "managing" with this marriage for a long time, and now you don't want to get out of bed in the morning. I believe you are entitled to half of his retirement income, and your business is generating revenue. I don't sense any little kids in the picture, so if I were you, I would tell him the jig is up. Peace of mind is worth a lot — as I hope you will find out. — Margo, dissolvingly

When "Telling" Can Be Beneficial

Dear Margo: I've worked for a small firm for a couple of months. There are only six employees, including one manager, who I think has a problem. This woman lacks consistency and is continually refuting her own words. Worse, when any of us makes a "mistake" (e.g., follows an order she later denies), she screams profanities. Some co-workers think she has a mental illness; others think this is just how she plays her power game. Be it illness or power game, I decided to disengage. The pay is not worth the mess and stress, and I have better opportunities.

My question is: Do I let the boss know what is going on in our office? He drops by every few days, and when he is present, the manager seems perfectly rational and professional. I think the boss might want to know he's hired a counterproductive manager, but family and friends say I should shut up, leave as planned and not give a word of truth in my exit interview. What do you think? — Ambivalent

Dear Am: I disagree with the advice you are getting. I would think it an act of kindness to give the boss information he apparently doesn't have. I do not feel you owe this woman silence — or anyone, for that matter, who is bollixing up a work situation. There's a chance that if the boss decides this woman must go, you would feel more comfortable with this job. And if you do choose to move on, you will have done him a huge favor. — Margo, productively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.