Dear Margo: My husband and I are well on our way to financial freedom through following a popular program. We want all of our loved ones to experience this, although we would never offer financial advice unless asked.

A close relative frequently mentions the stress he and his wife have over money. They know about the plan we're on and talk about how they'd like to do it "one day." But if they pay off a big purchase or get some extra income, they make another "no interest for two years" type of purchase. Once, they received a large sum of money and made some unnecessary upgrades to their home instead of giving themselves breathing room. Anyway, that is their choice.

My question to you is this: Even though they are in debt up to their eyeballs, they are always entertaining and invite us often. I love spending time with them, but feel guilty telling them how great their new this or that is when I think they're being completely irresponsible — especially since they want to start a family but admit they don't know how they will handle the extra expense. Should I boycott their extravagant lifestyle to avoid contributing to their "we are the Joneses" mindset? — Conflicted

Dear Con: Look, this close relative and his wife know they are in over their heads. They know you have found your way to an affordable lifestyle. They know what that way is, and they say perhaps they'll try it "one day." These people would need a therapist to get on top of their spending habits. (Or perhaps the repo man.) I would not give up going to their soirees, because the parties will take place anyway, but in order not to feel two-faced, stop remarking on how great their new this or that is.

As for them starting a family, this is not your problem. In fact, none of it is your problem. People wake up when they need to — or are forced to. — Margo, sensibly

The Office Chatterbox and Others' Distress

Dear Margo: My co-worker talks all the time. There is a running commentary about nonsense. I just want to pull my hair out (except that I am bald). This goes on all day about every little thing in her life. I try to ignore her and still be polite, but that does not prevent me from hearing her tell the same story to everyone else.

She also treats people like children, such as explaining in minute detail how to cook a turkey ... including removing the plastic outer wrapper. We are all intelligent people, even if we don't know how to cook a turkey. And she laughs like a hyena at her own jokes, even when they're not funny. We are not allowed to listen to iPods in the office, as our work requires interacting. How do I tell her to please shut up without jeopardizing my job? She is buddy-buddy with our supervisor. — Bleeding Ears

Dear Bleed: There is too much wrong here to correct. If you tell her you need to concentrate, you will still hear her nattering on to other people. There really is no way to get people to stop talking if the office environment doesn't preclude it. Then there's the matter of her laugh. Good luck changing anyone's laugh. She simply has no judgment. (I will say, in her defense, about instructing people to remove the wrapper, I once cooked a chicken with the bag of neck, gizzard, liver, etc. intact inside the bird.)

Because you say she and the supervisor are friends, you might, as gently as possible, tell this person that the woman's chattering habits are interfering with people's work. I don't know what kind of "interacting" you are referring to, but perhaps earplugs? The only other thing that might work is this: If other people agree with you, write a letter to the supervisor, signed by everyone. If she is not supportive of your complaint, you are sort of stuck. — Margo, hopefully

A 6-Year-Old Terrorist

Dear Margo: My 4-year-old son was recently invited to a sleepover at his 6-year-old cousin, "Josh's," house. My sister-in-law, "Ella," arranged the sleepover to cheer Josh up, as he's currently suspended from school for bringing rocks into the classroom and throwing them at other children. My husband and I are not going to let our son go, and we don't have any plans to let our kids spend unsupervised time with Ella's kids, or with Ella.

I know that we can get out of this sleepover, but I also know that these invitations are going to keep coming. My husband and I want to be a positive influence on our nephews and nieces, but we see their behavioral problems getting worse every year, and we don't want them to influence or put peer pressure on our kids. When Ella or one of her kids eventually confronts us about not letting our kids attend their events, what should we say? — Not Gonna Budge

Dear Not: A 6-year-old is bringing rocks to school and throwing them at the other children? This kid sounds like a very short thug. You are right that there is clearly a behavioral issue, and these actions are not "normal." Even kids who scratch and bite are in need of a little help. And it sounds like he has sibs who are just as harmfully aggressive.

I wouldn't beat around the bush, because, really, how many times can you say that a 4-year-old has a previous engagement? You and/or your husband, in the spirit of helpfulness, should tell your sister-in-law and her husband that you find their children's behavior outside the norm, and you strongly recommend they all see a child specialist. Then you might add that you are not comfortable having your children visit until the junior members of their household conform to what you deem appropriate and safe behavior. Be warned that they may take offense and drop you like a hot rock. Oh, sorry, didn't mean to bring that up again. Be strong. Good luck. — Margo, safely

When the Timetables Are Different

Dear Margo: I am 25 years old, and my boyfriend is 37. We've been dating for a year and a half. I want to move in with him so we can take the relationship to the next level, but I think he is afraid of commitment. He says he wants marriage and kids one day, but he's already 37 and doesn't seem to be making any moves in those directions. He wants me to wait six more months and then revisit the topic. I love him and want to be with him, but six months is a long time to wait when there isn't even a guarantee that he would be willing to let me move in then. Also, I am not from this state and would not stay here if it weren't for him. What should I do? — Antsy Regarding my Future

Dear Ants: What is the hurry, my dear? It is never in anyone's interest to push things along, especially when there is resistance. "Marry in haste, repent at leisure" is an old saying, but you could easily substitute "move in in haste..."

The ideal situation (for you) would be for him to be the one wishing to hurry things up. His reluctance may be uncertainty, a desire to live alone or some foreknowledge that you are not "the one." If his timetable does not jibe with yours, take yourself back home and find out whether he misses you. Or not. I'm never in favor of games, so I won't say play hard to get, but I will say, in this instance, let the timing be his, and if it doesn't suit you, say au revoir. — Margo, spontaneously

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.

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