Dear Margo: I have an ethical dilemma. I work in an industry where many people telecommute, which lends itself to subcontracting work to offshore vendors (e.g., India). Sending work offshore is a very controversial and polarizing issue in the industry. Although there's a significant cost savings, it's not unusual for our clients to insist on contracts that prohibit offshoring. My company utilizes offshore labor but keeps it very low profile.

I don't have particular issues with it and actually enjoy getting to know some of my counterparts in other countries. The company, however, calls itself "American based" (true of the corporate headquarters), and while we do not send work offshore when contracts prohibit it, I've realized lately that we do come just short of being untruthful about our use of the practice. For example, while interviewing a job candidate, I asked my routine question, "Why are you considering working for us?" and the response was, "I want to work for a company that does not send work overseas, and the recruiter assured me your company does not."

I am fairly low in the corporate hierarchy and have no input on these decisions. There's no question that it would cost me my job if I were to tell clients or candidates that we do, in fact, send work offshore. Losing my job would be a financial disaster, and I'm at an age where finding new, equivalent employment would be next to impossible. However, I am increasingly uncomfortable about being party to this lie of omission. Do you think there's any hope of keeping both my job and a clear conscience? — Increasingly Uncomfortable

Dear Inc: I am sympathetic, but for my own reasons. When speaking to people in other countries, although they speak English, it is not, shall we say, always English-English, and it's often difficult to understand. I agree that you should not tell a candidate the information that your company apparently wishes to keep quiet. I would, however, go to a superior and say that, in addition to feeling as though you are not being truthful with potential employees, you have realized that because your America-only policy is considered a plus, it would be ruinous if word got out that this was untrue — especially because so many people tell you it is one reason they do business with your company. Whether or not you can make yourself heard, you will have made the effort, which should salve your conscience. You will have tried. — Margo, conscientiously

Two Friends, Same Shrink

Dear Margo: I have a weird issue. I have a great girlfriend, but she's had emotional problems in the past, for which she is getting therapy. While I'm not the cause of these past issues, I am sure she talks about me to her therapist. That's not the problem. My cousin, who's my best friend, has also started seeing a therapist. Recently, while giving one of them a ride to the doctor, I discovered that they are seeing the same therapist, and this has me very nervous.

Obviously, I've said things in confidence to each of them about the other, and I'm worried they might find out by the therapist's putting two and two together. Should I go see their shrink and discuss my concerns, or am I overreacting? I can't tell this to anyone else because I don't want to reveal that my best friend and my girlfriend are seeing a therapist. — Anxious

This is not the first time I have let them be together, and my son has known about it. What is so different now is what I can't understand. The children do love one another. Was I wrong not to let my son know prior to getting them together? They are all my grandchildren. I now see my daughter-in-law as a person with her own interests. All my grandchildren are very close to me. Should I leave this alone and let them sort it out? — Thinking of My Grandchildren

Dear Think: I have no idea what caused the breach with your son and his eldest child, but a good guess would be that his present wife is No. 2, and she would just as soon not have any previous progeny around. I have seen this before, God knows.

Given the situation you describe (and a father who is capable of cutting off a 3-year-old), I would apologize (crossing your fingers behind your back) for having all the kids together, and ask what the problem with that was. If it is now his wish that they not be brought together under your auspices, then promise to see the younger ones separately from the college girl. When they are all older, they can make their own arrangements, and I'll bet they will always share a bond. I hope this works out for you. — Margo, historically

When Nicknames Are Obnoxious

Dear Margo: My 27-year-old daughter is dating a nice 27-year-old man. They seem to be getting along well, and this could become more permanent. My problem is that the young man calls my husband (my daughter's stepfather) "Buddy" every time we see them. My husband hates the casual reference. My daughter and I have both asked this young man to call my husband by his first name. He doesn't see any disrespect in calling him Buddy and doesn't plan to change. The boyfriend says he refers to everyone as Buddy (young and old) and not one other person has told him they didn't like it. He says he's just a friendly guy.

What's that all about, and are we being old-fashioned? My husband doesn't want to be around the boyfriend because of this, and it's making it hard to develop a relationship with someone who could eventually be my son-in-law. — We All Have Names

Dear We: He may well be a friendly guy, but he is also a dim guy. Any young man who is requested to call someone by their proper name and refuses is passive-aggressive — or his gray matter is so limited that he cannot be bothered to remember names.

It may not seem like much, but I think this bodes ill for your daughter's future with a man who 1) won't accede to her stepfather's request and 2) won't honor her request. If your daughter does not see the warning signs here, tell her to prepare for a future with a man who will always do just as he pleases. He sounds like a jerk to me. In the meantime, ask your husband to go along with the "Buddy" business, if only because he's the grownup. — Margo, appropriately

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.