Recently, Anna announced that she is pregnant. Ethan became upset about why they would give him up but not their soon-to-be child. My husband and I have tried to explain to him that they were not in a position to be parents when he was born, but they're ready now. He won't listen and keeps insisting that everyone just likes the new baby better. The four of us have discussed this, and we cannot come up with a solution. My husband suggested that maybe Anna and Kyle should stop coming around as often, but it seems that would make Ethan feel even more unloved and abandoned. What do you suggest? — Worried Mother

Dear Wor: If Ethan is 10, he is not a "little kid," and the situation he finds himself in is a little like sibling rivalry squared. Because you say his birth parents visit every few months, the contact is not terribly frequent. One thing that might be useful is that when the new baby comes, Anna and Kyle bring him or her over and make Ethan feel that this is his baby, too. In a best-case scenario, he will feel a brotherly regard for the baby.

If you feel he is obsessing, perhaps introduce a child specialist into the situation. I have never been sure about keeping birth parents in the picture, but you absolutely did the right thing telling Ethan he was adopted. — Margo, hopefully

Let Sleeping Dogs Lie — but Where?

Dear Margo: My wife sleeps with her two beloved dogs — sometimes on the bottom bunk in one of our two sons' rooms, sometimes on the couch. She says she would sleep with me if I let the dogs join us in our bed, but I find them bothersome. Am I wrong in not accepting this compromise? — Getting Used To Sleeping Alone

Dear Get: It depends on how important it is to you to sleep with your wife. If you are allergic (which doesn't seem likely) or simply don't like the idea of livestock in the bed, you are not wrong. However, I know so many couples who do allow the dog(s) to sleep with them, I am wondering what your reasoning is. I also don't know your definition of "bothersome." Do the dogs try to play at 3 a.m. or lick your face at dawn? (I also don't know how large these hounds are.)

Your wife seems to have taken quite a strong stand on the issue, but it's not clear to me what her point is. Is she saying she prefers the dogs to you? Is she trying to get you to love the dogs as much as she does?

I suggest giving it a try, to show good faith, and if they do actually interfere with your sleep, perhaps your wife will return your good faith effort. — Margo, drowsily

No Need for Delicacy Here

Dear Margo: My elder sister is 62, and her hubby (to whom she's been married for 40 years) is now 68. My sister's family has had a rough life because of my brother-in-law's unsuccessful attempts to make it as an entrepreneur. They've had financial dealings with all the family, and because of that, some of my sister's relationships have been strained, mostly with the spouses of her husband's brothers.

Lately, her hubby and one brother's wife have become very chummy — so chummy that they choose to talk when Sis is not around. Sometimes the phone will ring, and if my sister picks up, the caller hangs up. Then my brother-in-law's cell phone rings. After exchanging pleasantries, he casually leaves the room and continues the conversation out of earshot. My sister is deeply hurt by this. When confronted, his answer is that the relationship is of a brother-sister type and my sis is being unduly judgmental.

My sister is not concerned that there is physical infidelity, but what about loyalty between husband and wife? Why the need for private conversation if they are discussing spirituality or world politics? Sis has been confiding in our mother, who's been privy to the sacrifices Sis has made to stand by her hubby through all the financial difficulties. Mother is disgusted with the lack of compassion, if not outrageousness, of my brother-in-law's behavior. Any suggestions for my sister? — Concerned Sibling.

Dear Con: Hanging up if your sister answers and hubby then continuing the next call in another room is absolutely unacceptable and suggests that perhaps your sister has guessed wrong about any physical infidelity. I suspect your b-i-l's financial difficulties and feelings of failure have made him susceptible to another woman's attentions and compliments. I suggest you advise your sister to make a major scene about this. Suggest she tell her husband that she does not like the way this is playing out, and that he can cool his "brother-sister type relationship" or she will have to reconsider her husband-wife type relationship. — Margo, absolutely

Pets, Rights and the Law

Dear Margo: I read your advice to the tenant whose building does not allow pets, but she wants a dog because it makes her feel better. If she wasn't permitted to get a dog, you suggested a cat. My question to you: Are you kidding me? As a landlord, allow me to enlighten you.

1) The security deposit is typically equal to one month's rent. One month's rent would not begin to cover the costs of replacing and repairing floors and carpets caused by "accidents" or the rent lost while I'm repairing an empty apartment.

2) I am, like many other people, allergic to cats. I would not be able to enter my own apartment if there was ever a cat present. I can often sense it the minute I open the door of someone's house. That's because my lungs begin to close down. Am I supposed to incur the costs of a top-to-bottom cleaning of the apartment so a future tenant with allergies can move in?

3) What about the tenants next door? Are they supposed to put up with the barking all the time?

4) Maybe you can explain to me why renters insist on having animals. Very few landlords allow them for the reasons I mentioned above. I cannot tell you how many people sign up for my apartments and at the last minute ask, "Is it OK if I have two German shepherds?" The person who wrote to you should wait until her/his lease expires and find a place that allows pets. — Landlord

Dear Land: Your letter, for me, is an unusual follow up. I don't usually monkey with them because they are mostly from people who just don't agree. (I also don't like them and find them boring.) Your letter, however, rationally states "the other side" and will help many people understand the "no pets" rule. — Margo, informatively

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.